


you've been right here all along

by lowkeyamen



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Amnesia, Angels, Best Friends, Body Dysphoria, DNA manipulation, Demons, Fae & Fairies, Friends to Lovers, Gender Dysphoria, Genderbending, Growing Up Together, Kitsune, Kun is a horny fucker, Looking for love, Mild Angst, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Nonbinary Character, Other, Past Erasure, Romance, Sexual Themes, Shapeshifting, Slight pining, Soulmates, Speed Dating, The Main Character Switches into an Array of Bodies -Regardless of Gender, Vampires, kind of, satanic themes, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowkeyamen/pseuds/lowkeyamen
Summary: Sicheng is a Shapeshifter desperate to find love and find their true self. So desperate they'll transform into whatever it is they think their date is looking for just for a shot at it. But it turns out they're looking in all the wrong places.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 16
Kudos: 98
Collections: Weishen Fest: ANYTHING BUT HUMAN





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> hello!
> 
> 1\. first of all, thank u to the mods of weishen fest! this fic rly took me out of my comfort zone and it was fun to write smth that i had to do a lil more research and build an entire world for  
> 2\. thank u to the prompter for this idea i would never have come up w it myself!  
> 3\. as in the tags one of the main characters of this fic is non-binary and uses they/them characters. please be aware that themes of gender/body dysphoria and generally feeling uncomfortable in ones own skin run throughout this fic so please be aware of that if it makes you uncomfortable.  
> that character is also a shapeshifter who shifts into female bodies, so there is also an element of 'genderbending' in the fanfic sense in this story.  
> 4\. but i hope u guys enjoy this and that it makes sense alkasdhjak. the first chapter is a lil different to the rest in tone and involves a real spell from the laveyan satanic bible (don't worry nothing will happen just from reading it)  
> title from: this is real - jax jones ft ella henderson

𖤐

_"With the anger of anguish and the wrath of the stifled, I pour forth my voices, wrapped in rolling thunder, that you may hear!"_

𖤐

Sicheng had never felt quite… right. Their entire life seemed…. wrong, so to speak. They could never put their finger on it, exactly, and it was so impossible to put into words they never spoke to anyone about this bizarre feeling. 

They didn't know how. 

Didn't know where they would even start. 

Should they tell a doctor about the fact their skin constantly felt numb to the touch? Like it wasn't their own? Like they were living inside someone else's flesh, harbouring a body that didn't belong to them? Or should they speak to a psychiatrist? Maybe they were just in a constant state of dissociation. Never fully… present. Never fully intact. 

Should they speak to their parents about the puzzling thoughts and memories that would flash through their minds? Things that they could swear happened but… couldn't possibly have? A high pitched whistling sound, sort of like a boiling kettle only loud enough to shatter glass? An ultraviolet light from an explosion or some kind of impact? A world that looked like no place they ever seen on earth, no matter how many nature or travel documentaries they watched? They couldn't find the place that filled their dreams, the one they remembered from when they were much younger. But how much younger? Their parents had told them everywhere they had been as a child. Shenzhen. Beijing. Hong Kong. Even Cambodia. But none of those places were right. None were this place. 

Should they speak to their friends about how sometimes they felt weird wearing boy clothes? How their school tie felt more like a noose around their neck and that maybe they'd feel more comfortable in a skirt? They were less restrictive, more floaty and… cute. But every time they were about to open up to someone they changed their mind. Suddenly they didn't feel so uncomfortable pulling on their boxer shorts in the morning. They didn't mind their short hair and strong jawline. 

It was a constant internal battle, and Sicheng just couldn't figure out what was going on with them. Were they transgender? Did they have some kind of personality disorder? Schizophrenia? Hallucinations? Was this a case of reincarnation? Were they remembering things from a past life?

Was that why they had such a weird eye colour? Everyone around them had dark brown, hazel or maybe even blue eyes. Green popped up here and there… But no one else had the sparkling violet irises that Sicheng did. 

At least, no one human. 

Was that a nod to why they felt so different? So out of place? Or had they just been born with a rare birth defect, one that over thousands of years would become more common as evolution did its thing?

Sicheng honestly had no idea, but they were finding it harder and harder to cope.   
  


𖤐

_"Oh great lurkers in the darkness, oh guardians of the way, oh minions of the might of Thoth! Move and appear! Present yourselves to us in your benign power, in behalf of one who believes and is stricken with torment."_

𖤐

Sicheng's parents began to pick up on their son's constant low mood, the way their head always seemed to be in the clouds and finally referred them to a therapist. 

It was there that Sicheng learned the term non-binary. Learned that not everyone was male or female, that gender wasn't simply black and white. That it was okay to feel comfortable in both masculine and feminine clothing. That one could embrace both aspects, or completely rebuke both if they so wished. 

And that was a massive turning point for them. 

They stopped using traditional male pronouns, feeling the gender neutral they/them fit them better. And it was difficult to start with. No one really understood that. The grammar police came out in their droves, harassing them all over social media whenever they got the chance. Their parents had trouble accepting that the son they raised may not be their son after all. Their friends started to take a step back, not wanting to be associated with the school's social pariah. 

But… Sicheng didn't mind. They were okay with the fact no one really talked to them or that their parents seemed to be having a breakdown over their child not being who they wanted them to be. They were okay because things were finally starting to piece together. 

𖤐

_"Isolate him in the bulwark of your protection, for he is undeserving of anguish and desires it not."_

𖤐

At least they were okay with that for a while. 

As high school progressed, things began to get difficult again. They couldn't express themselves the way they wanted. Their parents became stricter and tried to force Sicheng into a box which they didn't fit. 

They were beginning to get a name for themselves around town. The Dong boy prancing around in heels and electric blue eyeshadow one day and a fitted waistcoat and dressy brogues the next. There were even rumours of Sicheng dating other boys. Rumours that were beginning to get to their parents. 

Rumours that were beginning to get to Sicheng too, despite the fact they were totally true. 

They didn't want to be some side show, though. They just wanted to get on with their life, live it how they wanted, but under the radar. They were sick of people staring and whispering whenever they walked by. They were sick of being the one that stood out most in this godforsaken town. 

Now they knew how The Fae felt. 

Sicheng lived in a town that was primarily human, a good 98%. But there were other species and races that lived there too, much to the dismay of a rapidly growing majority. 

People were scared of The Fae, mainly due to the right wing propaganda that was being churned into the news as of late. 

There had been an attack of sorts across the country, one they deemed as terrorism, that saw almost forty humans lose their lives at the hands of a Siren who lured a whole church full of people to their deaths in a nearby lake. 

And people were terrified. These other… _creatures_ had powers people could only dream of. If they wanted they could easily overthrow the human race. They could enslave them. Completely wipe them out. 

Sicheng's parents told them it used to be like this, years ago, before Sicheng was even born. Tensions between humans and other races had always ran high, until humans realised The Fae were vital to the environment and the makeup of their planet. But now history seemed to be repeating itself. Society was unravelling and returning to its bigoted past. 

And Sicheng couldn't understand it. At all. Sure, the Siren probably shouldn't have killed all of those people, but there were plenty of humans that had committed mass murder. Why weren't people taking a long hard look at themselves instead of condemning anyone who wasn't exactly like them? Why was it one set of rules for humans and another for everyone else? 

That was when Sicheng began to feel detached again. They didn't want anything to do with their people. They didn't even feel like their people - never had. This didn't feel like their body. Their skin was beginning to feel less human again and their brain was longing for something else. Somewhere else. 

All of the work they had put in with their therapist, coming to terms with their gender identity and finally feeling like they were on the right track was unravelling right before their very eyes. 

They thought they were going to be okay, that once they were a little older and could move away to a bigger, more liberal and accepting city it would all be fine. They could dress how they wanted and express themselves and- They'd be happy. They could live out a proud as a non-binary individual and maybe people would even accept them. 

But that was beginning to look impossible. 

Because Sicheng hadn't solved all of their problems simply by adopting a term to describe their gender identity. 

They still had no idea who they were. 

𖤐

_"Let that which bears against him be rendered powerless and devoid of substance."_

𖤐

Sicheng could vividly remember the day they met their best friend.

It was lunchtime and Sicheng was sitting at a table by themself as always. To be fair, that's how they liked it. Lunch time was for eating and unwinding, not idle chit chat with people they didn't even like. 

They were tucking into the roast beef sandwich they'd made from last night's leftovers when the air turned icy. They looked around the room, seeing if anyone else had picked up on the sudden drop in temperature, but people just carried on their conversations as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Weird. Maybe they were getting sick. 

But then they saw him. It was difficult not to, really. 

The day he joined their school was the day Sicheng finally got their wish of blending in and flying under the radar. Because they were no longer the biggest circus freak on campus. 

Sicheng's jaw dropped as they set eyes on him. This… being. 

Some people turned to jeer at him; others barely batted an eyelid, nor giving a fuck about the new kid, not even realising he was there. But Sicheng… Sicheng could feel him. From across the dining room they could feel him. 

And that was where the cold was coming from. He seemed sad. 

Sicheng didn't know what it was, because they really avoided talking to anyone ever, if they could help it. But within seconds of setting eyes on this boy- This boy with a red bobble hat shoved on his head despite the fact it was not school uniform, and it was also the middle of July. This boy with bright turquoise hair, a shade Sicheng didn't even realise hair could be dyed. It was amazing. Again, not uniform, but… It looked so soft he was desperate to touch it. A boy with peculiar markings on his face that Sicheng had never seen before but somehow felt familiar. A series of vertical lines under his eyes and characters in a language Sicheng didn't recognise emblazoned into his skin. They didn't look like tattoos, more… like scars? Were they carved? 

Within seconds of setting eyes on this boy Sicheng was up and out of their seat, striding across the dining room to sit opposite him at the table in the corner he had chosen. One far away from anyone else. 

They couldn't describe it, why they felt so drawn to this… What was he? They had never seen anyone like this before. Sicheng had met Elves and Pixies, Fauns and Nymphs, Selkies and even a Rusalka. They considered themselves open to people of all races, because those were the people that seemed to accept them the most. The ones who didn't care about Sicheng's gender identity. 

But they had never seen anyone like this. 

And it wasn't until they were sat down opposite the newcomer that they noticed the most breathtaking thing about him. 

His eyes. 

His eyes were completely devoid of colour. No whites. No Iris. Just… black. Pure black. And they were bigger than any normal person's eyes, so wide and glossy and... God, they couldn't stop looking. 

"Hi." They spoke up, voice almost trembling. Looking into this person's eyes- The cold vanished. They began to feel warm again. "I'm Sicheng."

The eyes blinked, making Sicheng's breath hitch in the back of their throat a little. Who was this? Why did they have such a massive gravitational pull? And why was no one else being reeled in? 

The turquoise haired boy clearly hadn't expected anyone to come near him, never mind want to sit here and speak to him. He tended to scare people away, and he was worried that if he opened his mouth then he would. His teeth were, well, they looked like they could rip a person apart. And to be perfectly honest, they totally could. 

But this person seemed genuine. They had foxy eyes and almost elf-like ears; despite the fact he could sense they weren't an elf. Just a plain old human. 

They seemed genuine and they were the first person that had attempted a conversation with them all day. He would be stupid to just ignore them. He might as well give it a shot. 

So he extended his hand across the table, fairly sure that's what humans did as a greeting. 

"Huang Xuxi. Nice to meet you."

𖤐

_"Succor him through fire and water, earth and air, to regain what he has lost."_

𖤐

It turned out that Xuxi was a Demon. Well, half-Demon. 

He had been removed from the Underworld by his father and sent up to earth to live in an orphanage because he didn't have time to look after him. Nor did he want to. 

He was considered worthless in the Underworld. A mere human with fully black eyeballs and ram-like horns protruding from his skull. No real skills or powers. His father wanted nothing to do with him, couldn't believe he'd sired someone so pathetic, someone who couldn't even possess the weakest of humans. 

He wasn't fit for hell. 

But no one else seemed to think he was fit for the mortal world, either. People were scared of him. They assumed he was going to hurt them, what with his sharp teeth and the Sigil of Lucifer birthmark that sat in the middle of his forehead. They didn't trust him, because who the fuck would trust a Demon? They were there to steal souls and rip people apart. To make their lives a misery until they finally got to drag them down to hell where they'd be tortured for all of eternity. 

So no one would really speak to him. No one even gave him a chance. 

No one apart from Sicheng. 

Because Sicheng knew what it was like to be different. 

Sicheng was the first human that had ever shown him any form of compassion. The first human that had given him the time of day. Even in the orphanage where he lived no one wanted anything to do with him. He was treated like an animal, a tray of food pushed through a latch in his door every evening so no one had to actually come in and look at him. Or be left alone with him - god knows what the son of Leviathan was capable of. 

If only they'd listen to him and realise it was practically nothing. His father was right, he was utterly useless. He had all of the features of a Demon but none of their strength or ability. He really had drawn the short straw. Wasn't good enough for the Underworld but didn't look right for Earth. 

He didn't really belong anywhere. 

And that was exactly how Sicheng felt. 

It was almost like they were kindred spirits or something. Two people from very different places with very different stories that found solace in one another. 

𖤐

_"Strengthen with fire and the marrow of our friend and companion, our comrade of the Left-Hand Path."_

𖤐

Spending time with Xuxi made Sicheng even more of an outcast. People were terrified of their new friend, they didn't trust him, because who on earth would trust a Demon? It was ludicrous. And they thought Sicheng had lost their mind.

But Sicheng didn't care that much. It was the happiest they'd been in god knows how long. And maybe they right, maybe they had, but they'd take going crazy over the years of loneliness and longing they'd felt in the past. 

Because Xuxi made them happy. He was endearingly clumsy and the complete opposite of what Sicheng ever imagined a Demon to be. He was cute and excitable and had a laugh that literally made the room shake around them. He was caring and Sicheng could tell Xuxi appreciated their friendship too. 

And maybe it was to do with Xuxi being a Demon, maybe they were actually in the process of being possessed. Maybe that's how Xuxi got into people's bodies. He was nice to them and made them feel good about themselves

But Sicheng was okay with that. They honestly wouldn't mind being possessed by Xuxi. 

When they were together it was like nothing could hurt them. Just a Demon and his non-binary friend against the world. And they didn't need anyone else. The two of them became inseparable. They'd have sleepovers and talk about the future. Which university they were going to go to together. Where they'd live. What they'd study. They planned on never being apart, because who else did they have? 

They'd formed their own little bubble of happiness, one that seemed to distract Sicheng from everything they were feeling and made Xuxi felt like he actually belonged on this planet. 

And nothing was ever going to tear that away from them. 

𖤐

_"Through the powers of Satan let the Earth and its pleasures re-entire his being."_

𖤐

"Could you stay still, please?"

"I need to practice if I'm gonna come visit you all the time."

Sicheng shook their head fondly as Xuxi materialised directly in front of them, spoiling the view. They were meant to be finishing their art project, some boring scenic watercolour, but Xuxi had other plans. He tended to get a little overly excited in the great outdoors.

Xuxi's powers may not live up to his father's expectations, he may not be able to control the depths of hell himself, but he could do some stuff. He may not be amazing at it, but he definitely had some tricks up his sleeve. 

Within seconds he was gone again, causing Sicheng to roll their eyes, a gust of autumn leaves floating back down to the ground in his wake. 

The older Xuxi got the more his powers came to fruition. He had just about mastered teleportation, and his telekinesis was coming along great. He couldn't move anything heavier than a grapefruit just yet, but he'd get there one day. He was way more powerful than his Dad ever thought. 

"Why not practice your brush strokes? Miss Zhao won't be happy if you dial it in again, and I don't want you to fail. Who else am I going to sit next to in art class if she kicks you out?"

"Fine."

Sicheng smiled as Xuxi reappeared next to them, sat cross legged on the ground, paintbrush hovering next to him. Xuxi had gotten lazy since unearthing his powers Sicheng had noted, though they couldn't blame him. Sicheng would do the same if they had the chance. 

"We should do something this summer. Just the two of us."

"Like what?"

Xuxi shrugged. He had no idea. But it was Sicheng's last year of school and he wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. Sicheng was moving away to another city soon and Xuxi really wasn't sure what he was going to do with himself. That's why he needed to get his teleportation down. Then he could go see Sicheng whenever he wanted. 

"We could go on a road trip."

Sicheng hummed. That could be kind of nice, actually, and they had just learned to drive. Wouldn't cost too much and they could both do with a change of scenery. Things were beginning to get stale in this old town. And Sicheng was sick of people throwing things at them because of the way they chose to dress. 

They still didn't know exactly who they were or who they wanted to be, but since meeting Xuxi Sicheng had gained this new boost of confidence. They were more willing to experiment and not as scared to dress a little differently; in clothes that made them more comfortable. They had even dyed their hair baby pink, and it looked really cute, actually, even if they did say so themself. 

"We could stay in cheap motels and go to the beach and-"

"The beach?" Sicheng scoffed. "I never had a Demon down as liking the beach."

"Are you kidding? The beach is so much fun. I'll have you know I'm an expert sandcastle builder."

"Now that I would love to see."

𖤐

_"Allow his vital saltes to flow unhampered, that he may savor the carnal nectars of his future desires."_

𖤐

It wasn't until a few months later when Xuxi discovered this whole new human emotion. One he didn't like at all. 

Heartbreak. 

Xuxi had watched Sicheng fall for people from afar, but never really act on it. Knowing no one would want them back. He watched Sicheng lose themself in mindless sex, watched them fall open to being used because they felt like they weren't worth any more than a quick fuck behind the old abandoned fire station. 

And Xuxi was always there for Sicheng afterwards. He'd drive to pick them up when their partner had taken off without them. He'd stay with Sicheng through the night as his best friend cried into his shoulder. 

But he didn't understand it. Not one bit. 

He couldn't come to terms with Sicheng's desperation to be loved - or at least feel something similar to love, even if it was only for a few minutes. He couldn't understand why Sicheng put themself through all of this, knowing nothing was ever going to come of the brief encounter. Knowing whoever they were sleeping with wanted nothing more out of them. And he didn't like the idea of Sicheng being treated like an object, but there seemed to be nothing he could do about it. 

He had tried, oh god he had tried. But Sicheng was way more headstrong than anyone would ever think. It was just about the only thing they had ever argued over. Xuxi cared about his best friend so much, but Sicheng didn't seem to care about themself at all. 

And Xuxi hated that. 

But he still couldn't understand it. 

Until he met Yangyang. 

Yangyang had the biggest smile Xuxi had ever seen. He had a round little face and a laugh so loud it could rival his own. He was on the school football team and Xuxi found himself going to games even though he couldn't give a fuck about the sport. He found it weird how humans could get so obsessive over a ball being kicked around. 

But because Yangyang was the one kicking that ball, he couldn't seem to pull himself away. 

"You're in love." Sicheng quipped one afternoon as Xuxi lay on their bed, pillow clutched close to his chest as he rambled on about these weird feelings he'd been getting in his stomach, terrified he was coming down with something. Demons didn't do well when they were sick. 

"Don't be so ridiculous." Xuxi sat up, throwing his best friend a glare. 

Sicheng simply shrugged and returned to painting their nails. 

But Xuxi soon realised that Sicheng was right. Sort of. He may not be in love with Yangyang, that was a big word and he didn't like it. But he definitely had a big fat crush on him. 

And Yangyang seemed to notice. 

He'd flirt back, laugh at Xuxi's dumb jokes and hell, he'd even speak to him. That wasn't something Xuxi had ever experienced from anyone other than Sicheng. 

So he fell deeper and deeper. He'd get lost in Yangyang's eyes. He yearned to hold him and spend every waking minute by his side. All he wanted was Yangyang to be happy, and maybe even like him back. Because… that would be nice, right? 

Maybe he could see where Sicheng was coming from with this whole falling in love thing. It felt good. Addictive almost. 

In fact, it felt kind of familiar. Like a warm hug from someone that cares about you. He had a sense of deja vu over the whole situation but had absolutely no idea why because he had never really liked anyone, never mind had a crush or even loved them. 

But as quickly as love propelled itself into Xuxi's life it was taken away. 

Because Yangyang never wanted to be with him. 

He found that out one Saturday afternoon when the younger had asked him out on a date. A date. Xuxi was going on an _actual_ date with the boy he liked so fucking much. 

He had been so stressed that morning, rushing over to Sicheng's with a duffle bag filled with clothes so they could help do his hair and choose his outfit. Because this really wasn't Xuxi's area of expertise. He had no idea what he was doing. 

"Just be yourself and you'll be fine." Sicheng smiled into the mirror as they added a couple more squirts of hair spray to Xuxi's turquoise locks. It was pretty rich advice coming from them, considering Sicheng still had no idea how to be themself. But Xuxi had an amazing personality, and it killed them to think people wouldn't even give their best friend a chance because of how he looked. "How couldn't he fall for you?"

So Xuxi went into town that day feeling pretty confident. He was going on his very first date and thanks to Sicheng he looked pretty fucking hot. His dark eyes framed with a slight smoke, cheekbones glowing as rays of light bounced off his sun kissed skin, the short sleeved shirt they'd chosen showing off his sculpted arms. 

And he sat himself outside of the cafe he was meeting Yangyang at. It was a nice day and he didn't see the point in being cooped up indoors when they could enjoy the sun and the fresh air. 

So he waited. 

And waited. 

And waited a bit more. 

But Yangyang never showed. 

He never replied to any of Xuxi's messages asking where he was. 

And Xuxi was left sitting there all on his own. 

Clear that he'd been stood up to all of the passers-by on the street. 

But then he saw him. Yangyang finally showed up! He must have just lost track of the time or broken his phone or something that's why he never replied. And his heart soared. His stomach was doing flips and he-

Yangyang wasn't alone. He was walking along with a group of friends. Had Xuxi misread the situation here? Was this not a date? Did Yangyang just want Xuxi to hang out with him and his friends? 

"Hey!" Xuxi stood up out of his chair, giving Yangyang a little wave before the younger walked straight past him, caught up in a conversation with one of his friends. 

Yangyang stopped, eyebrows furrowing a little before realising what was going on. Xuxi had actually turned up? He actually thought Yangyang wanted to go on a date with him?

Xuxi lowered his hand as Yangyang burst out laughing, followed by his friends a couple of seconds later. What was going on? Why were they laughing? Why was it making his skin on his cheeks burn? 

"This is too funny." Yangyang finally managed to gasp out as his laughing died down, clutching his stomach. "You thought _I_ wanted to go on a date with _you?"_

Xuxi blinked, big black eyes incapable of showing the emotions that were festering inside. 

But Yangyang said they were going on a date… didn't he? Xuxi didn't understand what was going on. 

"As if I would ever go out with a Demon." Yangyang looked Xuxi up and down. He had absolutely no chance. Horns? Soulless eyes? Those fucking weird markings all over his skin? The teeth? Absolutely not. "You're pathetic. You never had any chance with me."

And that was the moment Xuxi felt heartbreak for the very first time, as Yangyang nudged one of his friends, the four of them bursting into laughter once more. 

"Or anyone else for that matter." Yangyang added on, just to rub salt into the wound. "Who could ever fall for a Demon?"

Xuxi felt something wet on his cheeks. He wasn't sure what, but his vision was blurring too. His throat felt kind of tight and- He had this overwhelming sadness that he just couldn't seem to contain. 

"What the fuck?" One of the other boys hissed under his breath as droplets fell from Xuxi's chin and burnt holes in the concrete below, almost as if they were pure acid. As the air seemed to shift, dropping a good ten degrees as the wind built up. 

"Hey, what are you doing?"

The earth underneath them began to shake as clouds covered the sky, the small town darkening as the sun's light was stolen away. The winds picked up, whipping discarded trash up off the ground and pulling leaves from trees. The air got colder and colder, the strong gale laced with shards of ice as the perspiration in the atmosphere froze. People around them tried to run, tried to escape the oncoming storm which had Yangyang and his friends rooted to the spot, right in the eye as Xuxi's emotions took over and affected the weather around them. 

"Xuxi!"

Sicheng? That sounded like Sicheng. 

"Xuxi it's okay!" Things began to calm a little as the tightness in Xuxi's chest unravelled, as he turned, vision clearing just enough to make out his best friend, forearm in front of their face as they struggled to make it through the wind. 

Why was Sicheng having such a hard time? What was happening? 

"I'm here. You're fine."

The winds stopped and the clouds dissipated and the air warmed as a hand rested on his shoulder. Sicheng was right there in front of him and… Everything was better. The rage and sadness fizzled away, replaced with nothing but care and admiration because his favourite person in the world was here and- 

"Run! Quick!"

Xuxi heard a scattering of footsteps as Yangyang and his friends ran away; clearly terrified to stick around in case Xuxi pulled anything else. 

"Si-Sicheng." Xuxi's bottom lip was wobbling and his vocal chords felt all weird and tight. His face was wet and couldn't help but crumble and he didn't understand anything that was happening. He didn't understand all of these emotions. 

"Come here, sweetie." Sicheng wiped the tears away from Xuxi's face with his thumbs. Why wasn't- He looked down at the ground, at the symphony of burnt out holes in the concrete from where his tears had fallen. Why weren't they burning Sicheng? "You're coming home with me, okay?"

𖤐

_"Strike dumb his adversary, formed or formless, that he may emerge joyful and strong from that which afflicts him."_

𖤐  
  


Xuxi would never spend another night in the orphanage after that. They wouldn't take him back. Didn't want anything to do with him. Thought he was dangerous.

But Sicheng knew better. Xuxi was anything but dangerous. He would never hurt anyone on purpose. Yangyang deserved it. He only came out with a couple 

Sicheng would make sure no one would hurt his best friend again.

"What am I gonna do?" Xuxi whispered into Sicheng's chest as the two of them lay on the elder's bed, Sicheng's arms wrapped around Xuxi's shoulders. Their t-shirt was full of holes from where Xuxi had sobbed into it, a faint burning smell hung in the air, but not a single drop had hurt them. 

Xuxi felt like his world had been torn apart and he wasn't even sure why. It was just a crush, it wasn't even that big of a deal, right? So why did he feel like he'd lost a part of himself. Surely he didn't like Yangyang that much… Yeah, being rejected hurt, but… This felt like eons of longing and sorrow on his shoulders. 

And that made absolutely no sense at all. 

None of this made sense. 

And he didn't like it. 

"Y-You're leaving soon and I-"

"You're coming with me."

"But-" Xuxi pushed himself up on his shoulder. Sicheng was going to university. He wasn't meant to finish high school for another year. "How?"

Sicheng shrugged. They weren't actually sure, but they knew they had to keep Xuxi close by one way or another. For their own sanity, if anything. They couldn't be without him. Xuxi was the only one that made them feel like they were a normal, likeable person, and they couldn't cope with him being so far away.

Plus, they needed to get Xuxi out of this town. And fast.

"I'll take time out. Start university next year, with you."

"Sicheng…"

"Or you can come with me. You can go to a school near my campus." Sicheng turned their head so they could look into Xuxi's eyes. Most people couldn't stand it, said they got this overwhelming sense of dread if they ever looked directly at Xuxi for too long. But it made Sicheng feel kind of warm inside. Made them feel better. They thought Xuxi's eyes were pretty. "I'm not leaving you behind."

Xuxi Merely blinked in response. What was he meant to say? What could he say? The last thing he wanted was to hold Sicheng back, but- What was he meant to do without them? They were almost completely dependent on each other by this point. Just two outcasts in a town full of people who didn't understand. Two souls desperately searching for something to make them feel...right.

Sicheng still felt completely uncomfortable in their own skin and couldn't put their finger on why. Even dressing how they wanted and experimenting with different makeup and hair wasn't helping anymore. Sure, they definitely preferred dressing that way, but there was something much deeper at play here.

And then there was Xuxi, who was terrified he'd never feel fully comfortable on the surface of the planet. He didn't belong here and everyone made that perfectly clear. No one wanted a Demon around.

No one except for Sicheng.

And Xuxi would love to go with them, he really would.

He was just scared that would hinder Sicheng's chances of making any other friends. Of finding someone who loved them - something they wanted so desperately.

"I can't leave you behind." Sicheng whispered, drying Xuxi's tears again. They couldn't do it. They couldn't abandon their only source of happiness. What if something happened to Xuxi while they were gone? What if the townspeople tried to do something to him? Tried to get rid of him in some way? "We're gonna go together. Just you and me."

𖤐

_"Allow no misfortune to allay his path, for he is of us, and therefore to be cherished."_

𖤐

Sicheng was there to heal Xuxi's heartbreak just how he had done in the past, only Sicheng had a little more experience in that field so they were able to help Xuxi get through things quicker. They were used to being the one people would poke fun at, the one people would point out over and over how they'd never find anyone. They had gotten accustomed to the idea of being completely alone. No one was ever going to want to be with a freak like Sicheng.

And they hated that Xuxi felt the same now too. But at least they had one another. At least they each had someone who cared about them.

And Sicheng wasn't about to let anyone tear them apart.

People tried to drive Xuxi out of town. They wanted him gone, were worried about what he was capable of. But Sicheng wouldn't allow it. They defended Xuxi with every drop of energy they had and rallied a group of other outcasts around him. The Fae were more than happy to help out. They understood what it was like, being shunned by society for something you had no control over. So Xuxi and Sicheng found solace in them. They joined their little community on the outskirts of the town.

And Sicheng's parents weren't exactly pleased about all of this, but in a way, it was a relief. It meant they didn't have to defend their son anymore - or whatever they were. They didn't have to try and explain what was going on with Sicheng because they weren't their problem anymore.

As far as they were concerned they had no son.

And that meant they no longer had to protect them.

No longer had to lie about who they really were because Sicheng was about to abandon them anyway.

About to leave behind the years they had spent looking after them, despite what it may mean for their family.

And the bomb they dropped was one that changed Sicheng forever, about where they really came from.

𖤐

_"Restore him to power, to joy, to unending dominion over the reverses that have beset him."_

𖤐

"Are you okay?" Xuxi pushed open the door of their new shared room. It wasn't much, but it would do. It was only going to be temporary, after all. He and Sicheng had plans to get out of here as soon as they could. All Sicheng had to do was graduate and they were off. He was just grateful a Kelpie family had offered to take them in for a while. He was grateful that anyone would consider taking him in.

Sicheng hadn't spoken for the entire car ride over. Not a single word after they discovered their life was one big lie.

"I'm great."

"Sicheng." Xuxi sighed. That clearly wasn't true. He sat himself down on the bed, cuddling the elder into his side.

And that's when Sicheng broke down. When they couldn't take it anymore, because they could never hide their true emotions from Xuxi. He was the only one that had ever tried to understand them. The only one that cared.

Not even their own parents, apparently. Or, at least that's what they called themselves. 

Sicheng wasn't even theirs. They didn't belong to them. Never had. Their mother had never carried them. Never given birth to them like they had always assumed.

They were adopted, in a way.

Or- Just forced upon their family. Their parents were given no choice but to take Sicheng in and- They did their best, they guessed, but they hated the lies.

Eighteen years worth of lies.

God knows how many years of watching them struggle to come to terms with their identity, with their gender and pronouns and how they expressed themself. And it made no sense because they were the ones that helped Sicheng - sent them to therapy and allowed them to talk things through with a licensed professional.

They wasted all that time and money when they could have just told Sicheng the truth.

The reason they never felt like they belonged, why their skin felt so alien and even coming out as non-binary didn't help was... Because that's exactly what they were.

Something alien.

They had no idea what, but-

They certainly weren't human.

Sicheng was found in a crater following what was believed to be a meteor crash. Maybe a comet. No one knew for sure. Whatever brought Sicheng to Earth was annihilated on impact. 

They were found by a research team and brought in for testing. They were poked and prodded at, experimented on and injected with god knows what. They had no idea what Sicheng was or where they came from, but they knew they couldn't trust them, so they changed their genetic makeup completely. Or at least, that's what their parents had been told. Sicheng didn't know the full extent of what had happened to them, they weren't even sure their parents were told the ins and outs of it all because they seemed completely clueless, but these scientists had made them completely human. Stripped them of any extra power they may have, changed them so they looked just like everyone else.

It was a form of ethnic cleansing the humans had been trying on other creatures - thinking everyone wanted to be just like them for god knows what reason. Humans were the weakest race Sicheng could think of. They had absolutely nothing to them. And they were pretty sure that's why they did it - they didn't want to risk some alien race from some distant galaxy overpowering them.

That's why they made Sicheng just like everyone else.

Why they stole their identity.

Made them into any other male human being when they were anything but.

So, it wasn't just Sicheng's gender identity that they had been struggling with their whole life, it was the very core of who they were. They had no idea. And they'd probably never be able to find out.

"I don't know what to do" Sicheng whispered into Xuxi's chest, a complete parallel to where they were a few months ago after the whole situation with Yangyang.

They weren't… anyone. They weren't human, not really, and they had absolutely no way of finding out just who or what they actually were. They were stuck in this body they didn't understand and- And there was no way of changing that.

𖤐

_"Restore him to power, to joy, to unending dominion over the reverses that have beset him."_

𖤐

Sicheng and Xuxi carried out their summer road trip plans. It was the only thing keeping the two of them going. Their one last bout of freedom before they became struggling students out in the big wide world on their own. 

It was exciting - getting out of that small town with the prospect of living somewhere bigger and more accepting. They knew there were places with much higher non-human populations, and Sicheng made sure when they were choosing where to study for university they picked one of those places in the hope the two of them would feel less like outcasts. 

Sicheng had a feeling the jury would always be out on Xuxi, they doubted many people warmed to Demons, regardless of how open or liberal they claimed to be. But they had hope that this would be a whole new start for them both. 

They were moving onto bigger and better things. Sicheng was going to study fashion and business like they had always dreamed, and Xuxi was going to finish high school in a brand new city before setting his sights on the exact same university Sicheng would be studying at. 

It was just going to be the two of them against the world. 

How it was meant to be. 

Two lost souls who were drawn to each other. Two kindred spirits who couldn't possibly go it alone. 

They didn't need anyone else. 

And sure, it was going to be a struggle. They would have to work all night and study all day just to make it through, but it would be worth it. 

They would both have the opportunity to make something of themselves. To escape the shackles of that oppressive town where they had both grown up. To escape Sicheng's parents, the people who had lied to them their whole life and then dropped them as soon as things got too real. There hadn't been any contact since, and Sicheng was glad of it to be perfectly honest. The only thing they wanted from their parents was answers and it was clear they weren't going to get any. 

So it was better to cut all ties completely. 

Better to go it alone because they were pretty sure Xuxi was the only person that had ever cared for them anyway. 

So they tried to keep their focus on him. 

On the way Xuxi would hang his head out of the window as they drove through the countryside like an excited puppy taking in the fresh summer air. Sicheng was pretty sure that's all Xuxi was, anyway. More Labrador than Demon.

On the way Xuxi's eyes seemed to double in size (if that was even possible) as they explored new places he had never seen before. Rolling landscapes. Coastal views. Big, bustling cities. 

On the out of this world grin on his face as he splashed around in the sea. Sicheng wasn't even sure whether Demons could go in the sea; they didn't know what much about Xuxi's kind if they were being perfectly honest. 

But then again Xuxi wasn't sure either. 

He had been outcast by his father at a young age, shipped around from orphanage to orphanage because no one wanted anything to do with him. 

Not until he met Sicheng. Or rather, until Sicheng was undeniably pulled towards him, like they had no choice. 

Maybe they and Xuxi were soulmates or something stupid. Destined to be best friends forever. 

Neither of them knew that much about themselves, yet understood one another more than anyone else ever had in the past. 

𖤐

_"Build around and within him the exultant radiance that will herald his emergence from the stagnant morass which engulfs him."_

𖤐

It had been a month since they had hit the road together. Jumping from cheap B'n'B to shitty hostel, sleeping in Sicheng's car more often than not. 

But they had enjoyed every minute of it. Just the two of them on the open road, leaving all of their cares and worries behind. 

Or at least trying to. 

Every day they drove closer and closer to the city where they would spend the next five years. At least. And Xuxi would be lying if he said he wasn't freaking out. 

He was going to have to be the new kid again. Just like every other year when he'd start a new school after joining a new home. Only this time he wouldn't find another Sicheng. Sure, they'd be waiting back home for him, but… He had gotten used to having someone to talk to on his lunch break. It was going to be weird, and he was fully prepared for a year full of bullying and torment. 

Just as well he was used to it. 

He just hoped he could keep his ever growing powers under control. 

It turned out that Xuxi's father wasn't right about him after all, that he just took a little longer to mature than he had expected. Sort of. He was honestly nowhere near as powerful as the literal son of Satan should be, but he was beginning to worry he was too much for the surface of the Earth. That something would drag him back down to the depths of hell and away from Sicheng. 

And he couldn't cope with that. 

Neither of them could. 

He couldn't leave Sicheng behind. 

They needed one another. 

"I just want you to be happy." Xuxi slurred, leaning back against the front window of Sicheng's dusty old car. They hadn't bothered cleaning it once since they took off and it was beginning to take a toll. No doubt the back of his shirt would be covered in grime. 

He'd only had a couple of beers, but it turned out that Demons had a woefully low alcohol tolerance level. 

"I am happy."

"No you're not. You're a little happier now, since we came on this trip, but you're not happy-happy."

Sicheng sighed. They had forgotten Demons could read emotions better than most humans could themselves. 

"I just feel so lost. I'm worried about what's gonna happen to us."

"At least we'll be together." Xuxi laced his fingers with Sicheng's, something that always calmed them both. Sicheng liked how tiny their hands felt in Xuxi's big Demon ones. 

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why does it matter what you identify as? Can't you just be you? Why do you need a label for it?"

Sicheng had been trying to figure things out for a while now. Years. 

First it was the gender thing. The way they expressed themselves. What pronouns they used. Sicheng had been over and over it for god knows how long in their head. Wondering whether they were transgender. Whether they were just a little feminine. Whether they were just confused. 

When they finally discovered that gender wasn't black and white, that gender was a spectrum and they didn't need to squeeze themselves into either of those boxes, that's when things began to make sense. Finally. They knew who they were. 

Or, at least that's what they told themself. What they forced themself to believe because all they wanted was to understand who they were. What kind of person didn't know that? 

Someone who wasn't even a person, it turned out. 

Although the bombshell Sicheng's parents had dropped on them completely blew their world to smithereens, that's when things began to make sense. 

The reason they didn't know who they were, and had never felt comfortable in their own skin was because this _wasn't_ their skin. 

They weren't a human male. They were… Well, they had no idea what. That was the point. They still had no idea, but at least now they knew _why_ they had no idea. And that had to be better than nothing, right?

And… Well, that didn't even make sense in Sicheng's own mind so they had no idea how they were meant to explain that to Xuxi. 

But obviously they were curious. How could they not be? 

They arrived here on some kind of comet? From where? What planet? What galaxy? How? Why? Were they sent here on purpose? Was it an accident? Maybe they were travelling with their real parents and they just crashed. Maybe their real parents didn't make it. 

Maybe they didn't even have real parents. 

Maybe they were just grown in a tube or something. 

Maybe their skin was originally an iridescent shade of periwinkle. 

Maybe they could levitate - just like Xuxi. 

Maybe they weren't even an alien. Maybe they didn't come from another planet. Who knew where the crater they were found in came from? It could have been from anything. 

But they would never know and… That was hard. It was really fucking hard. 

Their past made sense now, the reason for why they had always felt so _wrong_ was there, but… 

What about their future? 

How were they meant to continue on in this body that made them feel so weird and uncomfortable when they knew fine well it wasn't their own? It was one they had been forced into. One they had no choice but to continue living in. 

"It matters because…" Sicheng thought about Xuxi's question. Why did it matter? Why couldn't they just identify as themself? Why couldn't they just be Sicheng? Some kind of enigma? "Because it was taken from me. I didn't get any choice in the matter. A bunch of scientists decided who I was going to be and- They got it wrong. I'm not a male human. I was never meant to be a male human. Everything just feels so _wrong_ , Xuxi. I hate it. I hate waking up every day in the body and- I can't even pinpoint why."

Xuxi turned; extending his arm out so Sicheng could snuggle into him. He hated seeing them like this, and it only seemed to be getting worse by the day. Their little trip served as a distraction for them, but… 

He needed to do something. 

He just hoped it would be the right thing. 

𖤐

_"This we command, in the name of Satan, whose mercies flourish and whose sustenance will prevail!"_

𖤐

Sicheng awoke to a hushed whispering from the bottom of the bed. What the fuck was going on? What time was it? Why was the bed empty?

"Xuxi?" They called out, sitting up on their elbows in the hope they could see around the room better.

That's when they realised they weren't in bed. They were cold and this most definitely did not feel like the worn mattress they fell asleep on. Even that was more comfortable than this. The ground underneath was... That. It was ground. Cold hard ground with wind whistling through the trees around them.

And they were scared. Really scared.

"Xuxi?" They called out again, this time louder. They couldn't see him anywhere. Just… Darkness and faint silhouette of the outdoors and... A sort of glowing light? What was that? Why was it aqua? How had they even gotten out here? Where the fuck was Xuxi?

"Xu-" The third time Sicheng called out they also tried to get up, only to be pinned back to the ground by an invisible force. It was like there was someone on top of them, holding them there as opposed to simply being pushed by the wind. But who? What? Was this a really fucked up case of sleep paralysis? Had something happened in the night?

Sicheng didn't know what was happening but they were really fucking scared.

They could hear the whispering growing louder, sentence upon sentence in a language they didn't understand or have never heard.

Apart from one word.

_Satan._

Had someone from the Underworld come back to get Xuxi? Was this force holding him down so they could take him away from Sicheng?

"Xuxi." They choked out a weak sob of their best friend's name, desperately hoping he'd hear. Hoping he'd come help them somehow. Save them. They didn't even know why, but they needed Xuxi. They needed him so fucking bad because the blinding turquoise light was getting closer and they felt like it was going to take them or something. Take them away from Xuxi. They'd never see him again. Never-

There he was. I-In the aqua light.

Xuxi was the aqua light.

And- And his lips were moving. He- He was the one chanting. W- Was he the one holding Sicheng down?

And suddenly Sicheng felt calm. They let their entire body relax under the pressure and it let up almost immediately because they knew Xuxi would never do anything to hurt them. And- And even if he did, then... Sicheng could accept that. They'd let Xuxi take their soul and do whatever he wanted with it.

Because being a part of Xuxi forever had to be better than living without him.

  
𖤐

_"As Satan reigns so shall his own whose name is as this sound: Sicheng is the vessel whose flesh is as the Earth; life everlasting, world without end!"_

𖤐

Sicheng heard their name crystal clear and the voice finally began to sound like Xuxi. He was in there. He looked different, softer somehow and his eyes weren't as deep or bottomless as normal. They were glowing an ultraviolet, almost a blinding white. His hair seemed to defy gravity and his face totally expressionless, the only movement from his lips and the markings on his skin dancing around rhythmically.

And it wasn't until Sicheng looked into Xuxi's eyes, really looked, despite the fact they burnt their retinas, that they realised Xuxi was helping them. They had no idea why but Xuxi was doing something for them.

Of course he was. That's all Xuxi ever wanted.

For Sicheng to be happy.

To find themself.

𖤐

_Shemhamforash!_

𖤐


	2. II

Sicheng pulled their coat tighter around themself as they made their way home. Yet another walk of shame. This was getting old. 

They had gone out last night on yet another date with a guy they'd met on an app. He seemed so sweet when they were texting back and forth. He was a paediatric nurse, which won him massive brownie points in Sicheng's book. They adored kids, couldn't wait to have a little family of their own. 

Because that's all they had ever really wanted. Someone to love them. Someone to settle down with and get married to and have kids with. Sounded pretty simple, right? 

Wrong. 

Because Sicheng was going to be alone forever. 

No one would ever want them. No one could ever love them. Not when no one could figure out who they actually were. 

Because Sicheng couldn't even figure it out themself. Still. 

They turned their key in the door to their apartment, hoping to god Xuxi was still in bed or out or something. They were sick of their best friend seeing them like this. It was getting embarrassing. 

But no such luck.

"Hey! How was your night with the doctor?" Xuxi wiggled his eyebrows as Sicheng clicked the door shut behind them, kicking their heels off into the mountain of shoes by the door. They should really buy a shoe rack or something. Between the two of them they had enough to fill an entire store. "Was he as hot in real life?"

"He was, actually."

"But…?" There was always a but. 

"No buts." Sicheng shrugged their coat off, throwing it over the back of the sofa. They could hang it up properly later. "He was nice. I liked him. He had a nice dick."

Xuxi scoffed, pouring Sicheng a bowl of cereal without lifting a finger as the elder came to join him at their breakfast bar. 

"You gonna see him again?"

"Probably not." Sicheng tied their hair up in a messy bun before tucking into the bowl of honey nut Cheerio's Xuxi had poured them. They should have gone with a shorter style. It was blowing a gale outside and their perfectly curled; waist length auburn hair now resembled a bird's nest. "It felt weird. I am definitely not an Angel."

Xuxi hummed to himself as his eyes scanned over the white wings that protruded from Sicheng's back as they flexed then. They were gorgeous, stark white feathers that seemed to have an iridescent sheen to them, glimmering in the light that streamed in from their kitchen window. They were really pretty, and made his stomach twist in a way he couldn't quite understand. Xuxi had always thought there was something angelic about Sicheng, though. 

"I'm glad, if I'm being perfectly honest. An Angel and a Demon living together sounds like the plot for a terrible sitcom."

Sicheng laughed around their spoon. He was right there. 

"The wings felt good, though. I had no idea they'd be so sensitive." 

Xuxi laughed to himself as Sicheng wiggled their eyebrows, much like Xuxi had earlier, as if he didn't get what Sicheng was alluding to. 

"So that's another one to cross off the list?"

"Yeah." Sicheng sighed. Back to square one. "I really thought this would be it, being able to fly would be fun, but… It didn't feel right. Which is a shame, he was really nice."

"Well, you could still see him again. Just explain things."

Sicheng scoffed. That absolutely was not going to happen. They would rather save themself the embarrassment. 

"Please. He liked Sicheng the pretty redhead Angel with the double D's. There is no way he's going to fall for Sicheng the shapeshifter who has a major crisis of identity."

"You don't know that. I think Sicheng the shapeshifter is pretty neat."

"Neat?" Sicheng echoed the word with a scoff. Xuxi was so lame sometimes. "Well, you're the only one that does. I think they suck."

Xuxi lowered his spoon back into his bowl. He hated when Sicheng got like this. They seemed so… Lost lately. They had no idea who they were anymore, and Xuxi still couldn't really understand why it was such a big deal. Why Sicheng felt the need to be someone else. He liked Sicheng the way they were. 

It had been six years since they moved to this city. 

Six years since they uprooted their life back in that one horse town and ran away to the skyscrapers and bright lights. 

Six years since they travelled across the country in Sicheng's beat up first car. Just the two of them against the world. 

Six years since the night Xuxi changed Sicheng's life forever. 

And he had been wondering whether it had been the right thing to do ever since. 

Xuxi had called upon his powers that night to do something amazing for his best friend. He knew how much Sicheng was struggling with their identity and he wanted to do anything he could to help. 

He had no way of finding out where Sicheng came from or who they were meant to be, but what he could do was help Sicheng feel comfortable in their own skin. Help them be whoever they wanted, because although Xuxi liked Sicheng the human, it was clear that Sicheng did not. 

And Xuxi couldn't stand the idea of his best friend being upset. 

So he granted Sicheng a power of their own. The ability to shapeshift into whatever took their fancy, with the hope that one day Sicheng would find a body that truly fit them. 

Only… It hadn't really worked out like that. 

To begin with Sicheng would experiment with different identities. Some of them felt kind of nice, others were an option he would never return to. 

But in later years it seemed as if Sicheng wasn't shifting for themself anymore, but rather to find a boyfriend. They would shift into what they thought their date would like, not necessarily something Sicheng themself would like. 

They were so obsessed with finding love, with finding _the one_ that they seemed to forget that their personality was the most important thing. And they definitely seemed to forget that if they did happen to meet _the one_ in a body they hated they would be stuck with it until they finally admitted the truth. 

And that seemed like an awful conversation to have. 

So Xuxi wasn't sure what to do anymore. He wished Sicheng could just find themself. He wished they were able to see what he did. 

But for now he figured changing the subject was the least he could do. He didn't want Sicheng to start up a whole new self-loathing monologue. 

"How hungover are you?"

"Not very, why?"

"You wanna come to town with me…? I need my eyebrows done for tonight and-"

"You need me to hold your hand?"

"Please."

Sicheng scoffed. For a big bad Demon Xuxi had a woefully low pain tolerance. 

"Sure, it's your turn to find the man of your dreams tonight." Sicheng stood, pushing their now-empty bowl of cereal to the side. "Let me go get changed, first."

Xuxi threw on some clothes of his own as he waited for Sicheng to emerge from their room. He never quite knew who was going to come out from behind the door. Well, he did. He knew it was Sicheng, his favourite person in the whole wide world, obviously. 

But what were they going to look like? 

Who were they going to be? 

Xuxi was terrified that one day Sicheng would totally lose themself. That even their personality would change. That their eyes would change.

Because that's one thing Xuxi had noticed. Sicheng may have different hair, features, body type or even voice, but… Their eyes were always the same. That's how he could tell Sicheng was always in there. 

"Okay, let's go make you pretty."

Xuxi blinked a couple of times as he realised Sicheng hadn't shifted at all. They were still that redheaded Angel they… They literally had just changed clothes. 

"I thought… You didn't like being an Angel."

"I don't _hate_ it. It's just not me. But I look crazy hot like this, so…" Sicheng shrugged. They liked being a redhead. It made them feel sexy. They liked this body, they just weren't sold on the whole identity. Maybe they were getting close, though. "Plus, the reactions from people when an Angel and a Demon are walking into a salon together? I can't wait for that one. Come on."

Sicheng took Xuxi by the hand and led him out of their apartment, out into the big wide world. 

Six years they had been living here. And Sicheng had loved every minute of it. 

This city was definitely the making of them.

Sicheng had graduated with a Bachelors in Fashion Design and had gone on to do Masters in Business, and Xuxi had followed them a year later earning a degree in Dentistry. It was difficult, to begin with. They could barely afford the tiny one bedroom apartment they first moved into, but sharing a bed turned out to be a blessing in disguise when winter came, because they couldn't afford to pay for heating so they had to snuggle in together instead. 

Not that either of them minded, they had gotten used to that after Sicheng's parents threw them out. 

But things began to look up. There were way more job opportunities here, even for students looking for part time work, and the two of them were able to earn more than they ever had back home. Sure, the rent was a little more expensive than they would have liked, but they tried their hardest to make it work. They had to. They didn't have a choice. 

They were out here on their own, didn't have anyone to fall back on, and it was hard and it was a little scary at times, but it only made them more determined. 

They had to stay here. 

There was no going back. 

"I might get my nails done while you're in there."

"Seriously?" Xuxi whined. Maybe he shouldn't have dragged Sicheng along with him. "This will take like ten minutes, your nails take _hours."_

"Well, I was going to suggest maybe a little more waxing."

Xuxi scoffed. Hilarious. 

But Sicheng just blinked back at him. 

"Oh, you're being serious."

"Show me his picture."

Xuxi rolled his eyes; scrolling through the app he'd met his date on before passing his phone over to Sicheng. 

"Oh god, yeah. You're gonna want to go all the way. Totally bare. Have you _seen_ this guy? I will be _so_ disappointed in you if you don't put out."

"I mean… I was kind of hoping for some dick tonight."

"Then let's get you ready! Xuxi, this could be him! The love of your life!" The two or then had been painfully single ever since moving here. Sure there had been plenty of dates, even more one night stands, but neither of them had found the one. No one to call their own. 

And it wasn't just Sicheng it was getting to. Ever since that whole debacle with Yangyang Xuxi felt like there was something missing in his life. Something more than just friendship… Something he had lost. 

"I want you totally smooth and then we're going shopping and buying you a shirt two sizes too small to show off all of this!"

Xuxi whined as Sicheng grabbed his pecs. Ow. 

"Oh my god this is so exciting, I can hear the wedding bells already! Can I wear baby blue? I look cute in baby blue."

Xuxi mumbled a _Jesus Christ_ under his breath. He had no idea why Sicheng was getting so excited, it's not like anything had worked out for either of them in the past. 

But he'd let them have their moment. Let them buy into the romance of Xuxi and this guy he'd never even met, because Sicheng was actually smiling and Xuxi liked seeing them smile. 

A lot. In fact it was his favourite sight in the world. Made him feel all fuzzy inside. 

Made that weird longing feeling in the pit of his stomach go away, just for a moment. Made him wonder how nice it would be to find someone just like Sicheng…

Maybe tonight would be the night. 

It wasn't totally impossible, right?

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

Sicheng lay on their bed, covers pulled up to their neck. Xuxi had gone out on his date and Sicheng was so excited for him - until he left. Now they were just alone with their thoughts and… This body. 

Sicheng would always switch back to _normal_ eventually. Well, maybe not normal. Their default body. The one they had been given by those scientists god knows how many years ago. They didn't see the point in wasting time getting used to a new body if it wasn't right. 

But they didn't exactly love this one. This boring, fleshy human body which couldn't do anything exciting. It just wasn't right - and they were so, so sick of feeling not right. 

Sicheng sighed as they checked their phone, wondering whether Xuxi had text, but nothing. He must be having fun. That was good, right? Xuxi deserved to be happy. 

And Sicheng was pretty sure he was. Things were so much easier for him than they ever were back in their old town, or the towns he had lived in before. There were more of his kind here - actual Demons who had also been banished from the Underworld, or had chosen to leave for a more peaceful life on Earth. 

Xuxi really fit in here. He had friends and colleagues who all thought he was hilarious, and Sicheng loved that for him. It's all they had ever wanted. 

And Sicheng had that too, don't get them wrong. Their life had improved massively since coming here. They had people other than Xuxi that they could rely on. They had friends and a support system that they absolutely loved. They had a great job and an apartment with an amazing view and they had fun all the fucking time. 

They had everything. 

Apart from the one thing they really wanted. 

Someone to love them. 

And sure, they had all of that platonic love and friendly banter love, but it just wasn't the same. 

They wanted that raw, passionate, can't keep your hands off of each other love. That deep, intimate, can't live without one another love. The kind of love that will last a lifetime. The kind of love that would make them dizzy and maybe even a little nauseous but it was fine because that person was always going to be there for you and love you no matter what. 

But Sicheng was never going to have that. 

Because who the fuck could possibly love them? 

They didn't even know who they were. Didn't know _what_ they were. How were they meant to go out and date and fall in love and give everything they had to someone when they didn't even know what it was they did have? 

Sicheng had tried. They had _tried_ to figure out who they were. They had tried to shift into a body where they felt completely comfortable and at ease. They had tried to focus on themselves and try to learn to love who they were despite the fact they may never know for sure. 

But it was feeling like that was never going to happen and they could be searching forever, which meant they wouldn't leave any time to find their soulmate. 

So they had decided to focus on that instead. They were desperate to find the person who completed them, because maybe if they found someone who truly loved them, having such an identity crisis wouldn't be so bad. Maybe they'd feel more comfortable in whatever body because they'd have someone who loved them no matter what. Maybe all of the longing and anxiety would go away once they had someone to hold their hand. 

Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe things would never get better. 

But it seemed worth a try, right? 

The only problem was, Sicheng's shifting was getting out of control. Not only were they still trying to find themself, they were so fixated on finding someone who loved them they didn't even care if it was _them_ they loved. They would shift into whatever they thought their date wanted after speaking to them online for a while. 

And- Maybe that was wrong… Okay it was probably totally wrong. It was like taking catfishing to a whole other level. But it felt nice. It really did. Even if it was only temporary, the sight of someone's jaw dropping the moment they saw you for the first time… It gave Sicheng butterflies. 

But the problem came much later, when Sicheng realised that actually, this body wasn't them at all. It just didn't… fit. And if that person was someone genuinely amazing and someone they thought maybe they would like to get to know better, then… They were fucked. They couldn't keep transforming into something that wasn't right because it literally made their skin crawl. 

Sicheng wasn't the biggest fan of their default body, but shifting into another form for the second time, when they knew it wasn't right for them, it almost burned. It itched. Like they wanted to claw their way out of the flesh because it just wasn't right. 

So… They were fucking themself over, essentially. They couldn't turn around and say _'oh hey I don't actually look like this haha'_ because who in their right mind would be okay with that? Who wanted a fucking shapeshifter as a partner? Especially one with such a messed up idea of themself like Sicheng. 

They felt like it was never going to work. They were never going to find their other half. They were always going to be alone. 

Which was why they would get so excited whenever Xuxi would get himself a date. He had a chance at finding true love! He was tall and gorgeous and strong and he could make just about anyone melt just by smiling at them. 

They wanted Xuxi to find their soulmate so bad, because they were pretty sure it was never going to happen for them. They could live vicariously through their best friend; look for engagement rings, plan the wedding, talk about baby names. 

Xuxi was their last hope of even being involved with anything like that. 

That's when Sicheng's phone buzzed. 

Speak of the Devil. Demon. Whatever. 

_Xuxi: won't be home tonight, don't stay up x_

Sicheng let out a little squeak of excitement. This was it! They knew it! Thank god they pushed Xuxi to get some manscaping done. 

They were happy, they truly were. The idea of Xuxi being happy made them happy. 

But that didn't stop them from clicking on a Facebook advert that caught their attention while they were scrolling through the app, snooping on other people's lives. 

Blind Speed Dating. 

Now… That was actually something Sicheng had never tried. 

Speed dating… That could be fun, right? But blind speed dating? What even was that? They were interested to find out… 

Speed dating saved on time. On talking to someone on some dating app and getting to know them before finally taking the leap only to realise the form they had chosen knocked them sick. 

This way… They could speak to a whole bunch of people. Get to know them and… Who knew, maybe they could find the one… the person they were meant to be with could be at this very event. 

It seemed like a long shot, but what did they have to lose? Sweet fuck all. 

So they signed up, stomach twisting a little in the process. It was exciting, but… Terrifying at the same time. Dating always was. It gave Sicheng so much anxiety, but they pushed through it because they were so desperate to be loved. By… Anyone, really. 

Blind speed dating, huh? So this was what it had come to. 

Sicheng settled down in bed, ready to go to sleep. Xuxi wouldn't be back until the morning and they didn't want to disturb him, with any luck he'd be balls deep in that hot Jaehyun guy he was on a date with. 

But… They couldn't deny they were a little jealous of that hot Jaehyun guy. Not because- Not because of Xuxi, obviously. That was their best friend. They didn't want to- No. They just wanted _someone_ to… Fuck. 

They were not thinking about Xuxi's cock right now. And how fucking big they knew it was considering he had never heard of wrapping a towel around yourself when getting out of the shower. 

Demon dick… Now that was-

"What the fuck?" Sicheng asked aloud. Were they actually having these thoughts right now? Jesus. Disgusting. 

They had _no_ interest in Xuxi. None. And the idea that they were… It was wrong. That was their best friend. God, Xuxi would be mortified if he knew. 

Sicheng was mortified right now. 

But also fucking horny. 

They'd have to fix that. And fast. 

They scrolled through twitter, trying to find a video without actually going onto a porn site and having that lodged in their search history forever. They tried their favourite flesh light which usually did the job, but… Not tonight. 

They needed… Someone. They couldn't do this on their own. Their head just wasn't in the right place. 

But who? 

They weren't desperate enough to pay some cute camboy, but… They were desperate enough to switch back into last night's body. At least they'd be able to play with the wings, right? 

It would itch - they would want to claw their skin off - but it would only be temporary. 

Fuck it. Go for it. 

They FaceTimed the hot doctor guy from last night, thighs already pressing together in anticipation as the phone rang. Please pick up. _Please._

_"Hey."_

"Hi, Johnny." Sicheng smiled coyly, twirling their hair around their finger. "What you up to?"

 _"Just, uh-"_ Sicheng heard the TV pause. _"Nothing, why?"_

"I was just hoping you'd be free." Sicheng stretched their arm out so the camera was held higher, revealing everything to just below their belly button. Almost everything. They had draped their arm across their breasts, not wanting to give everything up too soon. They hadn't bothered getting all dressed up, what was the point? But if Johnny wanted the goods then he was going to have to give Sicheng a little something too. 

And it didn't seem like that was going to be too hard if the low moan that came from Johnny's lips was anything to go by. 

_"Ye- Yeah. Totally free. Got nothing going on at all."_

"Great." Sicheng smirked, arm finally moving to show Johnny everything he wanted, only to slip in between their legs. "I was feeling a little lonely."

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

Sicheng was awoken the next day as a tonne weight dropped on top of them. Jesus fuck- What was that? Was there an earthquake and the roof has fallen in on them? They were dead, weren't they? Dead and the rescue people were going to going to find their naked body because they couldn't keep it in their pants and _had_ to have phone sex with hot doctor guy last night. 

Fantastic!

"Wake up! I brought honey toast!"

Was that God? Probably not there was no way a queer whore like Sicheng was getting into Heaven. Not when he was best friends with the son of Levianthan. 

God sounded a lot like Xuxi, actually… Weird. 

"Sicheng!" They were jostled back and forth, some kind of aftershock, maybe? Hey, maybe they weren't dead! Maybe they'd been found by some hot fireman and they'd fall in love and- "Wake the fuck up!"

"What the-" Sicheng tried to sit upright as something wet and… vibratey hit their chest. _Gross._ What was-

Oh. They weren't dead. Their apartment hadn't caved in on itself and there was no hot fireman. 

There was a very smiley Xuxi on top of them, though, after just having blown a raspberry on their chest. 

Okay, that made more sense. 

"You can literally sleep through anything." Xuxi scoffed. He should know by now that flopping down on Sicheng wasn't going to wake them up. "I brought your breakfast."

"You're the best!" Sicheng stretched over to the best side table, grabbing the box of honey toast. Thank God for Xuxi. Or thank Satan. Whatever. "So, how was the date?"

"Fucking," Xuxi threw himself down in his side, forcing the elder to jump a little, "awful."

"He says, coming home the next morning."

Xuxi groaned, hands running down his face. Sicheng had a point there, but… 

"He just wanted to fuck a Demon. The actual date was awful. He kept talking about cryptocurrency and I don't even know what that is. He was _so boring."_

"Poor baby." Sicheng ran their fingers through Xuxi's turquoise locks. "You still fucked him though?"

"Oh god yeah, he was really hot."

"But you're not gonna be Mr Xuxi Jung?"

Xuxi scoffed at the thought. 

"Absolutely not. He was disappointed I didn't have tentacles down there."

"Oh my god!" Sicheng let out a loud laugh. Jesus. Though… To be fair… They wouldn't be adverse to that. Maybe the next time they indulge in a little solo play they should shift into a tentacle monster. "Why do we literally have the worst luck with men?"

"I'm not much better with the ladies either." Xuxi rolled his eyes. He couldn't remember the last decent date he had. "Or anyone in between, for that matter."

"At least we have each other." Sicheng smiled, shuffling so they could lie down on their bed, head resting on Xuxi's shoulder. 

They didn't pick up in the way Xuxi's face burned a little. On the way he screwed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself down because he _was not_ meant to be feeling anything other than pure friendship for his _best friend._

Xuxi cleared his throat, wanting to change the subject. 

"What did you get up to last night then?"

"Gynaecologists appointment."

"Y- What?"

Sicheng threw their head back against their pillow as they laughed. 

"Doesn't matter. Wanna watch Parks and Rec?"

Xuxi nodded hopefully that would calm him down. 

"Whatever you want."


	3. III

"How do I look?" Sicheng burst into Xuxi's room and did a little spin, showing off their brand new silk shirt.

"Like a professional Latin dancer. Sexy."

"Exactly what I was going for." Sicheng raked their fingers through their honey blonde hair, checking themselves out one last time in Xuxi's mirror. They hadn't bothered shifting today, their speed dating was blind, after all, which meant their date wouldn't see them. Right? At least at first…

Plus, they… They wanted to at least try to be… _them_. Maybe they could tell their date they were a shifter and… See how they felt about it.

Maybe.

They had been thinking about that recently, maybe they should tell people in advance instead of turning up looking like god knows what and then not being able to go through with it again.

Imagine how many relationships they could have built if they had just been up front?

"Where are you going, anyway?"

"Speed dating."

Xuxi scoffed. Speed dating. Jesus.

But then Sicheng shot him a look. Oh. They were being serious.

"And what's wrong with that?"

"N-Nothing I just never th-"

"It looks like fun and I- I dunno, I figured it would be a good way to meet people." Sicheng sighed. They knew the whole speed dating thing was a little stupid, but... It was better than nothing, right?

Xuxi hummed. He felt a little bad for making fun of Sicheng, now... he knew how badly he wanted to be loved - it was so fucking important to him, and...

"Well, I hope you find someone amazing, okay? It would be a good story to tell your kids."

Sicheng's heart kept a little at that. Kids. Oh god imagine if they found the father of their babies tonight? That would make for a great wedding speech...

They were getting ahead of themselves. That was crazy talk.

"I dunno about that, but... Maybe." Sicheng felt their cheeks flush at the idea. Cute. "My taxis gonna be here in a few minutes, you sure I look okay?"

"You look hot as fuck. Go find the man of your dreams."

Sicheng clapped their hands together before skipping out of Xuxi's room to go get their jacket, leaving the younger shaking his head softly.

Xuxi had bit his tongue at the way Sicheng was presenting. As... themself. Or their default body as they called it. He wasn't used to Sicheng going out on a date like that. They were always someone else.

He hasn't said anything because he didn't want to knock Sicheng's confidence or anything. Didn't want to make them doubt themself.

But it was nice to see. That was the Sicheng Xuxi knew the best. The Sicheng that made him happy and held him when things got too tough. The sarcastic Sicheng who was always there to offer an eye roll or a snipey little comment. The Sicheng who would make him stay up too god knows what time singing karaoke. The Sicheng who had an impeccable sense of style and _should_ be out there and confident and loving themself, because Xuxi lov-

Xuxi felt like they deserved it. 

And Xuxi really was scared that Sicheng's constant shifting was starting to affect their personality. That they weren't only at a loss at who their body was, but they... They didn't know themself anymore. They didn't act the same or- He was just scared of losing his best friend.

And he hoped to god this was a sign that things were beginning to change for the better.

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

Sicheng was regretting this already. All of the guys they had spoken to so far were... They just weren't for them.

This was like Grindr but so much more awkward. The guys couldn't see them, but... they couldn't just ignore their messages when they were sat in the same room as them- separated only by a stupid wooden board.

Xuxi was right to scoff. This was ridiculous.

And here came guy number three.

"Hey."

Sicheng sighed. "Hi."

"Not going well?"

They laughed under their breath. "So far."

"Well, hopefully I'll be able to change that."

Sicheng rolled their eyes at the cheesy line. They liked cheese, though.

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Depends on what you're here for."

The guy on the other side's voice deepened a little. Oh. Oh it was like that, was it?

Sicheng hadn't come here for sex; they had come for a connection, for something real, but... This was the most interesting conversation they'd had all night.

"What's your name, so I know what I'll be screaming later."

A throaty laugh came from across the wall. That was a good way to break the ice.

"Kun. You're cute."

Sicheng's ears burned. They had no fucking idea what this guy looked like, but he sounded sexy. That was something at least.

The two of them talked, mainly flirted - a lot, and Sicheng was... feeling a lot better about this whole thing. Even if they didn't find the love of their life, maybe they could find someone to have some fun with. Someone like Kun.

And hopefully Kun would feel the same about them because they had put him right at the top of their list.

Things seemed to go up from there.

Their next couple of dates were pretty nice, actually. They met a sweet little Faerie called Xiaojun and someone else named... What was he called again? Henry? Something like that. And then this Kitsune. Ten.

They really liked Ten.

And Sicheng was pretty proud of themself for lining up five whole dates because they all chose them for the second round too and-

And they'd have to see them. Like... Face to face. In this body...

Those guys weren't going to like them after this.

They knew that for sure.

They- They needed to change. And soon, because their date with Kun was coming up and he- Fuck. Sicheng just knew he was going to be hot.

But... They could be hot too. Really hot. Like, ravishingly hot.

Siren hot.

Perfect.

They slipped off into a bathroom stall, somewhere private so they could shift. God they should have thought of this in advance. What were they thinking turning up looking like this? Stupid human Sicheng. Who would want them?

It was a shame they didn't bring any nicer clothes, but... They could make this work. Tie their shirt up to show off their new chest and reveal their toned stomach and, well, the jeans they had on were tight enough to begin with but with these thick thighs and extra plump ass, well... They looked completely fuckable. Perfect.

Kun may have let it slip that he wasn't just into guys, so... This was going to be a killer. They just knew it.

God, this was nerve wracking. They were going to have the opportunity to see Kun and speak to him for longer than three minutes… They wondered if he would have the same energy now they were going to be face to face, or if it was all an act. They hoped not. That confidence was what had drawn them to Kun in the first place. 

Sicheng sipped at their wine, anxiously waiting, when they finally heard footsteps approaching and… Wow. 

So, Kun was a Demon. 

Excellent. 

"Sicheng, right?"

Sicheng nodded as Kun sat down opposite them. This was so weird. They had been talking through a partition before, and now… There he was. Looking fit as fuck. 

"You're just as hot as you sounded earlier."

Sicheng giggled, a finger swishing around jet black curled hair; they had made a good choice with this body. It would have been no use if they stayed as regular old human Sicheng. 

"You aren't so bad yourself." Sicheng looked Kun up and down. He was just their type. Well-built and… That ribbed turtleneck was really working for him. He had horns just like Xuxi, only Kun's curves up towards the sky and his skin seemed to catch the light in a weird way, and it wasn't until Sicheng leaned a little closer that they realised it was because he had scales. Interesting. 

"So, tell me more about yourself."

Sicheng rambled on about whatever came to their mind; work, they fact they loved going out dancing, this restaurant they'd been to the other week. And Kun indulged then. He was actually a lot sweeter than Sicheng had initially thought. He wasn't just some sex mad Demon… Although, there was something sneaking around his thigh. Was th- Oh yeah. Kun had a tail. A Deep Purple tail with scales that almost shone iridescent in the light and it was creeping higher and higher- 

"You just wanna fuck me, don't you?"

"Was I not obvious enough? I've been staring at your tits all night."

Sicheng smirked. Oh it was obvious, hence the fact they had undid another button on the silk shirt. It was risky considering they weren't wearing a bra, but… something told them Kun wouldn't mind. 

"Then why are you letting me go on about paella?"

"I like listening to your voice. It's cute." Sicheng flushed a little. They didn't think their voice was cute… It was so deep and it always threw people off when they presented more feminine. "Plus, as much as I would like to. I can't just fuck you here."

Sicheng swallowed. This really wasn't how they hoped the night would go, but… Come on, it was speed dating. They weren't going to find the love of their life in a couple of minutes. 

"We don't really have long left, either. Not enough time for all of the things I want to do to you."

Sicheng let out a soft moan as the very tip of Kun's tail made its way between their legs. Holy fuck. Were they really letting this guy they had met for a few minutes palm them (palm? tail…? was there even a correct verb for this kind of thing?) in the middle of a bar? Sure no one else could see them, they were in a secluded little corner, but… 

It did feel really good though. And Sicheng was drawn to Kun… just like they were to all Demons. Xuxi. That one friend Xuxi had that made them feel a little lightheaded whenever they got too close. That girl they worked with whose giggle was like music to their ears. 

Maybe they just had a thing for Demons. 

Maybe they should fuck one. 

"We could always just leave now." Kun winked, and Sicheng's body was screaming yes - to just get up and go and let this Demon fuck them in their car or a back alley or whatever the fuck he pleased, but… They had all of these other dates. And while it seemed pretty unlikely… Maybe they really could find love. They didn't want to throw that away for a quick fuck. 

"But I still have three more guys to meet. What if they're even hotter than you?"

Kun smirked. Okay. He really liked this one. She had a little bit of bite in her. 

"So you're gonna make me wait?"

"I like to keep my options open." Sicheng smiled sweetly, elbow on the table so they could rest their head on their palm. "Give me your number and I'll let you know if you're the lucky one that gets to eat this pussy later."

Kun's tongue poked out as they said that - Kun's snake like tongue - just as a reminder of how good it could be. Holy fuck. Sicheng shifted a little in their seat. They were in for an uncomfortable couple of dates, but they had to give these other guys the benefit of the doubt. They couldn't just take off and spread their legs for the first Demon that looked their way, no matter how badly they wanted too. 

"I'll see you soon." Kun smirked as he stood, a buzzer ringing to signify their date was up. 

"Maybe." Sicheng sing-songed back. Kun was so self-assured. They liked that. 

"Oh, don't worry. I'm pretty confident that pussy is gonna be mine."

Sicheng was left with a smile on their lips and a slight wetness in their underwear as Kun made his way to his next date. That was… fun. Lots of fun. Kun was _fun._

But they hadn't come here for fun. They had come with the hope of finding someone to snuggle into at night and wake up with in the morning. Someone they could call their own. 

Maybe even someone to love them. 

So they put Kun on the back burner. He wasn't what they had come here for, but if the rest of their dates were a bust then they weren't going to say no to a good fuck. 

Who was next…? Sicheng glanced over their notes. Xiaojun…? Oh! The little Faerie! He seemed so sweet and- Sicheng looked like a whore. Okay. They couldn't meet him like this. Surely a Faerie would never go for a Siren. The last thing they wanted was to scare him away. But- What were they meant to do? They weren't sure they could face meeting Xiaojun as boring old human Sicheng either. 

They needed to think. Fast. What could-

Sicheng un-tired their shirt, straightening it out and buttoning it back up before they panic shifted into the first thing they could think of. Something pure and natural and lovely that hopefully Xiaojun would like because he would be here any second and-

"Hi! Sicheng, righ-" 

Sicheng's eyes flickered up as Xiaojun entered the room. He was- Wow. He was gorgeous. He was petite and blonde with really thick dark brows which should look out of place on his delicate little face but they didn't. He was beautiful. His skin looked so soft and his eyes were such a bright hazel Sicheng couldn't stop looking at them. 

But that meant they could see the disappointment in them too…

Because Sicheng wasn't what Xiaojun had expected. 

They cleared their throat as they looked down at themselves. Fuck. 

They'd switched into some kind of fawn-hybrid - totally the airy woodland creature they were going for, what with the antlers with flowers growing out of them and the face full of freckles but… completely female. Or at least female presenting. Wavy sienna hair, pouty pink lips and long lashes. That was the last thing Xiaojun had expected. 

"You look different to what I imagined…" Xiaojun tentatively took a seat, eyes scanning over the girl sitting in front of him. He thought Sicheng was a boy. Sicheng sounded like a boy. He had signed up for this whole thing _looking_ for a _boy._ "More- uh- I didn't realise you were a girl. I'm not really int-"

"I'm not." Sicheng interrupted. For fucks sake. They had well and truly ballsed this one up already. Might as well call it quits now. What the fuck had they switched into another girl for? Sometimes they just found it easier, especially considering they had been feeling a little more feminine for the past few weeks… "I- I'm non-binary, like- Genderfluid. I'm not a girl."

"Oh." Xiaojun nodded, not quite sure what to say, his wings twitching with nerves. "Okay, well… Uh- How are you?"

Sicheng sighed. Xiaojun was just humouring them. Just being nice. He clearly wasn't attracted to Sicheng - not in this body. They'd gone and fucked up what could have been a perfectly nice date. They and Xiaojun had gotten on so well earlier… They laughed and joked around and Sicheng felt completely at ease around him. But now… 

"It's okay if you're not into me, I get it."

"N-No, it's not like that! You're really pretty, I just-"

"You aren't into girls. Or… People who look like girls."

Xiaojun deflated as he sat back in his seat, a sad smile on his face. He felt awful, but… Sicheng just wasn't his type. At all. 

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Sicheng shook their head. "It's not your fault."

No. It was theirs. For being such an insecure idiot. For switching without even thinking. Maybe Xiaojun would have liked plain old default Sicheng… But they would never know. 

"You have other dates, right? I'm sure you'll find someone. You're really beautiful and your eyes are… They're like…" Xiaojun paused for a moment as he looked into Sicheng's eyes. He's never seen anything like them. "They're like amethysts. Are they real?"

Sicheng nodded. The one thing about them that was real. Their eyes never changed when they switched - no matter what into. 

"They're amazing."

"Thank you." Sicheng smiled softly, ears burning red. They were glad they had long hair to hide that because Xiaojun was really fucking cute and just so lovely they wished they hadn't completely ruined this opportunity to get to know him better. "I like your wings."

"Thanks!" Xiaojun giggled, giving even a little flutter. They were iridescent, colours changing with every movement. Sicheng briefly wondered if they felt as good as those angel wings. "They're pretty useful when I don't feel like riding the subway."

The two of them talked until their time was up. No flirting, definitely no talk of how Xiaojun was going to destroy Sicheng's pussy. Just nice, casual conversation. And it flowed, really easily. They ended up exchanging numbers at the end of it all just to keep in touch as friends, even though Sicheng wasn't sure that was something they could do… Because they really liked Xiaojun, and the fact that they had ruined the one chance they had to actually date him was going to haunt them forever. 

Maybe they should just give up. Maybe they should just text Kun and see if he still wanted to get out of here because there was no way this was going to work out. They were never going to find anyone and they just had to accept that. 

But then their phone buzzed. 

_Xuxi: how's it going? bag urself a fine piece of ass yet?x_

Sicheng rolled their eyes. Xuxi had always had a way with words. 

_Sicheng: Not yet. Only two dates in and it's been kind of a bust x_

_Xuxi: u still have some left tho right? maybe you're about to meet the man of ur dreams! x_

Sicheng smiled softly. Xuxi was so sweet. Always. Like, no matter what. He was always there for them. Their number one supporter. 

_Xuxi: but if not i'll be waiting at home with pizza and cuddles, i'll even let u watch that boring house selling show u like x_

Sicheng's heart practically melted. Maybe they should just go home and curl up with Xuxi instead. Who needed a boyfriend when you had a best friend like that? 

_Xuxi: but u need to at least try! i'll be very disappointed if u sneak off early! pls go meet the rest of your dates x_

Or not… Xuxi's disappointed face was something Sicheng could not handle. He got so pouty and would ignore Sicheng for hours and and those big back eyes of his watered and it was just nothing anyone wanted to deal with. It would be less trouble if they stayed. 

Plus, they had pretty much given up already. They may as well just sit here and put in minimal effort. Quit stressing. 

Though, they should probably switch again. Just one last time. It would be better if they had a more male body; it would make things a little less awkward than their date with Xiaojun at least. 

Just one last switch so they could get their dates over and done with. 

It didn't even matter what into, it wasn't like they were trying anymore. So they switched to just a regular old human boy - one that looked completely different to Sicheng's original form. They weren't quite that past caring. They at least wanted to be in another body, more a confidence issue than anything else. 

Their penultimate date of the night was with a Vampire named Henry? Sicheng couldn't even read their own writing on the piece of paper they'd scrawled all over when they were making notes during their dates. Vampires liked humans though, right? Every Vampire he knew - and there were a lot of them milling around when you worked in fashion - had a human partner. 

Whatever. Didn't matter. They were only hanging around to avoid a scalding from Xuxi. 

"Hi!"

But… Wow. This guy was really handsome, like- Wow. 

"I'm Hendery." The Vampire sat down, flashing Sicheng a toothy grin that made their stomach flip a little. They had always had a thing for teeth. Especially sharp teeth. Sicheng couldn't count the amount of times they had slipped their finger in Xuxi mouth just to prod at his teeth when they were lying around watching a movie or whatever. They knew it was weird and the first time Sicheng tried without any warning Xuxi nearly took their finger off, but he was used to it now. Sicheng was sure he even enjoyed it 

But they were getting distracted. 

What did he say his name was? 

"I'm Sicheng, nice to meet you Henry."

"Hendery." He repeated, a soft smile on his lips. "Everyone gets it wrong, don't worry about it."

Sicheng's idea of giving up pretty much went out of the window the moment Hendery began talking. Everything about him was just so… calming. He made Sicheng feel completely at ease. Made them smile and giggle and flush. He was sweet and clearly wasn't trying too hard to be charming or whatever. He was just being himself and Sicheng appreciated that. 

Envied it a little. 

They felt bad that they were essentially lying to someone as lovely and genuine as Hendery. 

"I'm just sick of messing around I guess. It sounds really intense and scares people off when I say it, but I just want to settle down, you know?" Hendery sipped at his drink as Sicheng listened on, chin resting on his palm, elbow propped up on the table. "I'm not saying I want to get married in the next few years or anything, I just want something real."

"No, I get it." Sicheng's laugh was laced with bitterness. They knew exactly where Hendery was coming from, and yet again they had fucked themselves over, by the looks of it… 

What on earth made them think speed dating was a good idea for someone as insecure as they were? Couldn't even be themself for a handful of quick dates. 

But… Of course they couldn't. They still had no fucking clue who _they_ were. How was anyone going to fall for them if they even know who they were themself. 

This was a mess. 

They were a mess. 

Two people now they could have had a shot with, but… 

Maybe they should tell Hendery. Maybe he would understand. 

Maybe he could love them anyway; he said that's what he was looking for after all, right? 

"Hey." Sicheng looked up to see Hendery waving at them. "You zoned out a bit. You okay?"

"Hm?" Had they? Sicheng had this habit of getting too caught up in their own thoughts. 

"I didn't freak you out too much, did I? Most people freak out when I pull the commitment card. Everyone I've seen so far just wanted a one night stand I think."

"No, I'm just…" Sicheng wasn't even sure what to say. _I'm having an existential crisis because no one will ever love someone who can't even figure out who they are?_ So they opted to change the subject instead. "Did you meet that Demon by any chance? Kun?"

"Oh my god, yes!" Hendery let out a laugh right from the pit of his stomach. "I've never met anyone so horny, like he-" Hendery lowered his voice a little out of embarrassment. "He actually got me going a bit."

"It must be nice to have so much self-confidence." Sicheng scoffed. They knew they wouldn't be the only one that Kun was going for, but they kind of hoped he would at least hold out until the end so they could jump his bones. It's not like anything else was going to come of today. "Though, I guess when you're that hot…"

"You must know what it's like, then." Hendery smirked, catching Sicheng off guard. Oh. So he was slick too. 

"I dunno about that." Sicheng giggled, tucking a few stray hairs behind their ear. They didn't even know what colour it was. They had no idea what Hendery was looking at. 

"Oh, I do. You're gorgeous. You should have just as much confidence as that Demon." Hendery's smile was so big and toothy Sicheng couldn't help but replicate it. "But it's nice to see you're not a cocky asshole."

"I don't think I could be if I tried." Sicheng suppressed scoff. Sure, they were bouncing off of Kun's energy before, but without someone hyping them up like that? Not a chance. The only time they felt even vaguely confident was when Xuxi was around. He was so self-assured and had grown to love himself ever since they moved here. Now he wasn't the town pariah he was so outgoing and extroverted. Sicheng tended to feed off of that a little when they were together. Seeing how far Xuxi had come almost made them believe in themself a little. Maybe one day they would get there. "I'm not exactly the most confident person."

"That's a shame, if I looked like you I would be."

Sicheng's smile wilted a little. Hendery was so sweet and everything, but… He had never once commented on Sicheng's personality, on who they were. Just how they looked. And they didn't even look like this. Obviously Hendery had no idea about that, but… God. Everytime Sicheng thought maybe they were into something good it all turned to shit. 

And maybe that was their own fault. 

No, it was definitely their own fault. 

If they had just stuck to the original plan and tried to be themself then- Maybe… Maybe someone would like Sicheng for Sicheng. Or at least, the body they were destined to live in since the chance of them finding out who they were actually meant to be before it was stolen away from them seemed to be slipping out of their grasp 

They had fucked this whole experience up, not even given themself a chance at finding someone because they couldn't stop pretending to be someone else. 

The rest of the date went okay, but Sicheng had kind of lost interest after that. Hendery was a lovely guy, but… Sicheng had no chance of pursuing anything more with him. This wasn't who they were. It was just a body they had switched into because they weren't sure what else to do. 

They were ready to call it quits. Throw the whole night out of the window when Hendery got up to go find his next date, but they still had a couple left too… It seemed rude to disappear and just leave these guys hanging. 

Plus, it was only two more. Two more dates and then he could go home and pass out in Xuxi's arms. At least he had someone to comfort him at home. Thank god he had his best friend. 

But this next date was the one he had been looking forward to the most when they started. Ten. A Kitsune who made them laugh from start to finish. He was forward, not in the way that Kun was, he wasn't overly sexual or cocky, but he made his feelings known. He wasn't here to mess around. 

He was looking for something real, just like Sicheng was. 

And Sicheng thought he sounded amazing. He had this infectious giggle and loved to joke around. He was super intelligent - a whole professor at the university Sicheng had studied at. In the few minutes they had been able to talk Sicheng could feel their heart skip a beat. Ten was… They liked him. A lot. 

And he seemed to be into Sicheng too, right? He had picked them for a date after all… And they were both looking for the same thing. 

Maybe- Maybe Sicheng should try out being themself for a change. Or at least the form Ten would see them in the majority of the time should they happen to get together… Start dating… Get married. Have kids… Imagine this being the origin story you told you children…. I met your father at a speed dating night after a Demon tried to fuck be with his tail in the bar. Okay, maybe not that, but- 

"Hi! Sicheng?"

Sicheng snapped out of their daydream as someone spoke, before sitting down in front of them. Someone with sharp, foxy features and eight bushy tails. 

Fuck. 

_Fuck._

How long had it been since Hendery left? They- they hadn't changed, he- 

Oh for fucks sake. This could not be happening. They were finally ready to actually take a leap of faith and just present as everyday default Sicheng and now… It was too late. This was fucked before it had even begun. 

And that was absolutely devastating because Ten was flawless. His skin was so soft Sicheng just wanted to reach out and touch it and his smile was so wide Sicheng couldn't help but reciprocate it, no matter how shitty they were feeling right now. They felt… Drawn to Ten. Just like they had to Xuxi all those years ago. 

B-But what could-

"Are you okay?" Ten sat down, head cocked to the side a little, pointed ears on the top of his head facing forward inquisitively. This was Sicheng right? He was in the right room? 

"Y-Yeah, sorry, just- I wasn't expecting you so soon. Kind of… Zoned out."

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out or anything." Ten rested his chin into the v-shape he had made with his palms, elbows resting on the table as his tails swished behind him. He was trying not to show his excitement, but… He liked Sicheng. He liked them a lot. They may have only been able to speak for a few minutes, but… They seemed fun. They seemed genuinely nice. And they seemed like they weren't just in this for a laugh or a one night stand. 

Plus, they were... gorgeous. Not what Ten expected, but gorgeous nonetheless. Sicheng had dark wavy hair that was scooped up into a little bun at the back of their head. They were broad, so broad that the floral silk shirt they had in was barely holding itself together. Their face looked like it had been carved from marble, bone structure impeccable, and their eyes… They were so… 

So different. 

Sicheng looked human but they couldn't possibly be. Not with eyes like that. And they didn't feel human. Even from the brief conversation they had before Ten could pick up on that. And when Sicheng shyly admitted their pronouns were they/them, that's when Ten knew. Sicheng was a Spirit of some sort, just like Ten was. But what kind? That he couldn't quite pick up on, which was weird. Ten was very intuitive. He could smell another Demon a mile off. And he did get a whiff of that from Sicheng, but… Were they a Demon? He wasn't so sure. 

There was something in those eyes though. There had to be. Ten had never seen anything like them. 

"I was just really excited to meet you."

Sicheng felt their ears burn. This couldn't be happening. Ten couldn't actually like them. Not when- they could feel the anxiety bubbling up in their chest. They were wanted to burst out into tears and run. 

This whole night was a mistake. 

A huge fucking mistake. 

But they couldn't move. They were frozen stiff under Ten's foxy gaze. 

"You were?"

"Yeah… You were the person I wanted to meet the most." Ten looked them up and down a little, making Sicheng shift uncomfortably. "I liked you."

Sicheng further the flush that washed over their cheeks. Ten was- Ten was exactly what they were looking for. Cute and sweet and charming but not cocky or too brash. A fox Spirit they felt undeniably drawn to and they had no idea why. 

"I liked you too."

Ten giggled, before launching into a full blown conversation with Sicheng. He wanted to know everything. What they did for a living. What their favourite food was. What movies they liked. How they felt about kids. Everything. Ten wanted to know _everything._ Because tonight had been kind of a bust for him too, but he had all of his hopes pinned on this penultimate date, because Sicheng was by far his favourite. 

And Sicheng melted into it. They let all of that anxiety melt away because Ten made them feel so comfortable. Made them feel like it didn't even matter how they looked because Ten cared solely about their personality. 

Like… Like maybe they could tell him. Maybe they could… show him. 

"You intrigue me."

"I-in what way?"

"I'm very… Sensitive. I can get a feeling for people without ever really knowing them. And I get that with you. You seem sweet and… You're looking for something. I'm not quite sure what, but… You're longing, almost."

Sicheng's breath shuddered a little. Ten could feel that?

"Is it love? Do you want someone to love you?"

Sicheng cast their eyes down at the table. How could Ten see right through them? Could he… Could he tell that this wasn't who they were? That they had no idea who they were? 

"I'll take that as a yes…" Ten whispered, one hand leaving its place under his chin so his slender fingers could graze against Sicheng's. But they couldn't. He couldn't touch them. It was like there was a force field, stopping him from touching Sicheng. Like two positive ends of a magnet desperately trying to come into contact with each other only to bounce apart again. Weird. 

Sicheng was so different to anyone Ten had ever met before. It was like… Like coming across a new Pokémon you'd never seen before. One you had to catch before the Pokédex updated with all of it's information. And maybe that was a stupid analogy but Ten had spent the past week attached to his Switch and it was the only thing on his mind right now. 

Except Ten knew a lot about Pokémon. His internal Pokédex was very up to date and incredibly detailed. He had been on the surface of this planet a long, long time and it wasn't often he came across a completely new being. 

Sicheng was like a legendary. 

One Ten was determined to catch. 

"I can't figure you out…" Ten's lips quirked up a little. That only made him more drawn to Sicheng. The mystery. Who was this person sat in front of him? This Adonis of a human - or whatever - he was currently in a date with? One he couldn't take his eyes off of? "But I want to get to know more."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I-" Ten groaned as a buzzer went off, signalling the fact their date was over. Already? It felt like it had just started. "I want to know everything about you."

Sicheng's heart dropped. Everything? But they didn't even know everything about themselves. They- 

What if… What if Ten really was the person they could open up to about this? 

"I have to go." Ten pouted. He still had one more date and, well, he was sure this Kun guy he had lined up wouldn't compare to Sicheng, but… "I'll see you later, yeah? Maybe… Maybe we can continue our date somewhere else? Somewhere we can talk more?"

Sicheng's eyes widened a little as they nodded. Ten really wanted a second date? He liked them that much? Maybe… They should definitely open up to Ten. He seemed so understanding. Like he _wanted_ to know Sicheng.

But they would have to wait. They had one more date left too. One they didn't even bother switching for because if they were being perfectly honest they couldn't remember the guy's name. They only picked him because they _had_ to choose five people. 

Their mind was completely on Ten now. He was their only focus. And he couldn't wait for this last date to end so they could go see him again. 

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

Their final date was over, thank god. Sicheng still couldn't remember the guy's name, that's how little attention they had been paying. They just wanted to get out of here and see Ten again. They had even texted Xuxi a thumbs up after he asked how things were going, telling him not to bother staying up since they had secured themselves a second date. 

And they were excited. They were so excited. Ten gave them butterflies. And Sicheng couldn't wait to see him again. 

The only problem was they all needed to go and 'mingle' at the end of the night. All of these people Sicheng had been on a date one with… in completely different bodies. And they- They had go face them all. 

Hopefully they just wouldn't realise. Hopefully they wouldn't even be looking for them. But Hendery had seen them in the same body as Ten and… this was just going to be awkward. 

Why the fuck hadn't they gotten Ten's number asked him to meet them outside or whatever? 

This was a mess. 

Someone was going to recognise them by the clothes they had on. Why didn't they wear something more boring instead of this loud floral, silk shirt? 

How the fuck were they meant to get out of this one?

But they had to try and find Ten… They just had to. 

So they sort of clung to the walls, let everyone else interact as they stayed in the shadows, head peeking over everyone like a meerkat in an attempt to seem him. 

But he couldn't. They caught a glimpse of Kun out of the corner of their eye who looked them up and down with a smirk, but clearly hadn't caught on. They doubted Kun was paying any attention to their clothes if they were being perfectly honest. 

They made eye contact with Xiaojun as he was talking to a Sprite, his head tilting as he tried to remember where he had seen this… was that- But they were- 

Xiaojun's eyes widened in understanding as he blew the Sprite off to come and confront Sicheng. 

"You were a girl."

"N-No I was- I told you… I- I just-"

"Well you don't look like a girl now."

Sicheng cleared their throat as Xiaojun glared deep into their eyes. He was… really small. But a little terrifying, even for a Faerie. They knew there was no way they could just pretend to be someone else. Xiaojun has commented on their eyes earlier. It was the one thing that gave Sicheng away. 

"Why didn't you look like this for me?"

"I panicked."

Xiaojun folded their arms across their chest. Seriously? Panicked? They had even told him they were non-binary, and-

"What are you, anyway? Some kind of catfish Spirit?" Xiaojun scoffed. Man, he really wished more people were around to hear that one. 

"N-No, I'm just-"

"You're what? You pretend to be other people to try and get them to fall for you?"

Sicheng opened their mouth protest, but… That was kind of true. 

"Are you like an Incubus or something?" Xiaojun raised his voice, causing a few people to turn and stare at the two of them. "Do you just pretend to be other people so you can-"

"No! No that's n-"

Sicheng noticed Hendery turn as people began to crowd around, thick eyebrows furrowed. What was going on? 

"Then who are you? Cause you sure as hell didn't look like that on our date!"

Sicheng could feel their chest tighten. Everyone was staring at them. Everyone, and- 

They needed to get out here. They all knew they were a fraud. That they had been- they just needed to go. 

So they did just that. They ran straight out of the building as they switched back to their original body because- Well what else could they do? There was no point in pretending anymore. No point in-

Anything. 

This had not only been a massive waste of time, but they had also been publicly called out in front of everyone. 

So even if Ten was in there, then… there was no way he would want anything to do with Sicheng now. 

They should just go home, but… They had to let themself cry it out first. Had to just slump against the outside of the building for a little while and get over this anxiety attack they were currently in the middle of before they could even attempt to go anywhere. 

Maybe they should call Xuxi and ask if he would come get them. They had said not to wait up, but… He wouldn't be asleep yet, would he? They could never tell with Xuxi. He was either in bed by 8pm sharp or up until the crack of dawn playing video games. 

Either way, Sicheng didn't think it was fair to disturb him. They'd just make their own way home. 

Once they calmed down. 

"Hey, you okay?"

Sicheng's head shot up. They recognised that voice. 

"What's going on? What's happened?"

Sicheng's breath shook as Ten looked down at them, at the crouched over ball of tears on the floor. Fuck. 

They straightened up, wiping their face with their sleeves, making sure to keep their eyes covered so Ten wouldn't be able to see them. 

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing, you-" Ten placed his hand on their shoulder, only to flinch back, hand clutched to his chest as if he had been burnt.

And that's when he knew. He could feel them. 

"Sicheng?"

Sicheng finally looked up, amethyst eyes meeting Ten's. 

"What are- Wh-" Ten gasped, looking down at his plan. It was red, already beginning to blister. H- How was he- How could he touch Sicheng this time? How come… Sicheng looked so different?

Cropped dirty blonde hair, tall and a little gangly. Cat like eyes and a single pricked ear. 

This was nothing like the person he had just had a date with. Not- Not visually. 

But this was definitely Sicheng. Ten could feel them. Really feel them this time and-

Sicheng was more than just any old Spirit. 

They were way more than that. 

Far more powerful.

Where were they- _What_ were they? 

"Who are you?"

"I- It's Sicheng. I'm sorry that I was- I can shift and-"

"No. _What_ are you?"

"I- I'm just… I'm a-" How was Sicheng meant to answer that? They didn't fucking know. "I'm a human; I can shift but I-"

"Oh, you are anything but human, sweetie." Ten cocked his head. "Y-You're something else."

Sicheng's heart rate rose as Ten's fingers inched a little close to them before drawing back. There was no force field anymore. Was it the different body that was stopping Ten from touching Sicheng? Was this their true form? It couldn't possibly be, could it… It was so mundane. No one with so much power would look like… 

"Something…"

What? Something what? 

Something… terrifying?

Was that why Ten had been so drawn to Sicheng? He had no choice? He may live on the surface of the Earth now but… There had always been a hierarchy in the Underworld. There was always someone above him… And Sicheng- This mild mannered person in a human shell… They couldn't be, could they? 

"Where are you from? Y- You seem…"

Sicheng's eyes began to fill up as they looked down at Ten. Why did he look so scared? Sicheng- they weren't going to hurt him or anything. They know they shouldn't have pretended to be someone else, but… What else could they do? 

They didn't know who they were. 

They didn't know where they were from. 

They didn't know _what_ they were. 

"I don't know." Sicheng whispered, chest tightening as all of their emotions bubbled to the surface. They didn't fucking know and-

That fight or flight instinct kicked in again, and before they knew it they were sprinting away from Ten, ignoring the others cries of their name. They didn't even know why the fuck they were running, they just- They didn't want to talk to anyone. They didn't want to open up because what was the point? They were never going to be able to find out who they were meant to be so why bother going over and over it again and again. 

They just… They wanted to forget. 

They wanted to forget about all of this. About the whole night. About Xiaojun. About Ten. About- 

Xuxi… 

They didn't know why he kept popping into their head, but… Going home was the last thing they wanted right now. Xuxi would be the perfect best friend and fawn over them, make sure they were okay or whatever. 

And they felt like they didn't deserve that for some reason. 

Which was why when their phone buzzed it came as a more than welcome relief. 

_Kun: I missed you at the mixer tonight. Hope you didn't find the man of your dreams because you were certainly the highlight of my night x_

Sicheng blinked. Had- Had Kun not realised what had gone down earlier? When Xiaojun outed them in front of all of those people? 

_Kun: Let me know if you're free and I'll text you my address x_

He really mustn't have. He- He had no idea Sicheng had shifted for every date and… 

And he still wanted them. 

Well… Sicheng had been looking for a reason not to go home. And a massive Demon cock seemed like the perfect excuse. 

_Sicheng: Nope, all alone. Let's have some fun xx_


	4. IV

Sicheng awoke the next day in agony. Their entire body ached. And it wasn't just because Kun had fucked them so hard and deep he made their stomach bulge or because his tongue could do things Sicheng had only dreamt of in the past that made them orgasm so violently they pulled all of the muscles in their body. 

It wasn't just that. 

Their skin itched to the point all they wanted was to rip it off. To shed this body like some kind of gecko or snake or whatever. They just needed out of it. They had never spent this long in a body they had visited for the second time and- It was hell. Pure hell. 

Sure, they looked hot as fuck as a Siren and it scored them one of the best nights they'd had in their entire life, but… Now in the cold light of day they weren't sure it was worth it. 

They needed to change back and get the hell out of here. 

They needed to go home and face up to what had happened last night. 

To what they were actually doing to themself and other people just to find love. To what they had become - a compulsive liar that manipulated the situation to get someone to like them. 

It needed to stop. 

They… They were just going to have to face up to the fact that this was who they were. Plain old Sicheng who looked like a boring old human with lavender irises. 

Because this body didn't hurt. It didn't feel particularly wrong… It just- It wasn't totally right. 

But maybe that was the best they could ask for. Maybe this was it for them. 

Maybe they'd finally have to learn how to live with it. 

So Sicheng grabbed their stuff and snuck out of Kun's house trying their hardest not to wake him because the Demon would probably have a heart attack if he saw this random person creeping around the place as opposed to the busty Siren he had fallen asleep next to last night. 

They walked a few blocks before calling a cab to avoid any chance of Kun seeing them again. They couldn't take any risks, not after last night. 

Xiaojun calling them out in front of all of those people… it hurt. It hurt a lot, and- And…

And he was right. They _were_ like a real life catfish. Putting on a mask and pretending to be whatever they thought their date may find most attractive. Moulding themself to what they thought they wanted because they were so desperate for any form of affection - even if it wasn't going to last. 

Because there was no way it could. 

They couldn't keep up that form if it wasn't the right body and… They had missed out on getting to know so many genuine people that actually seemed to like them for _them_. All because they couldn't help but play dress up. 

Last night was supposed to be a test - a trial run to see if they could stay in their default body and at least try to have a normal, romantic interaction with someone, but… they fucked it all up with their insecurities. 

They were never going to find anyone. 

They were just going to have to accept it. 

At least they had their home… At least they could express themself however they wanted here. They weren't living in that stilted little town with the people who had lied to them their whole life. 

It could be worse right? Love wasn't everything… 

And it wasn't like they were completely alone. 

They had Xuxi. Their best friend in the whole wide world. The one who was always there for them no matter what. Who never failed to make them smile…

And that was exactly what they needed right now. A bone crushing hug from their best friend to put a big fat grin back on their face. 

But Xuxi wasn't even awake yet when they opened the door to their apartment. That was a shame. Sicheng was kind of hoping for breakfast, but… Maybe they could just go cuddle with him instead. They didn't want to wake him up prematurely, and Xuxi's bed was one of their favourite places, after all.

So Sicheng for washed up and slipped into a pair of pyjamas as quickly and quietly as they could before cracking the door to Xuxi's room open. 

He was fast asleep, mouth wide open, no doubt leaving a lovely puddle of drool on the pillow. Cute. 

They lifted the corner of the duvet just enough so they could slide in beside him, humming contentedly to themself as they nuzzled their nose in between Xuxi's shoulder blades. 

They really should have just come straight home last night. Even being in the little bubble that was their apartment made them feel better. Things were different in here. Sicheng didn't have to pretend to be anyone else. It was the only place they felt comfortable enough in their default state to just hang out and chill because Xuxi had known them way before they were even able to shift. 

Xuxi didn't care what they looked like. Didn't care whether they were human, beast or woodland Nymph. He didn't care if he woke up in the morning to a seemingly random Wolf-Hybrid sitting in their kitchen because he knew it was Sicheng. 

He always knew. No matter what. 

"How was your night?"

Sicheng groaned under their breath as a deep voice spoke up from across the bed. As much as they wanted Xuxi to comfort them, they also kind of wanted to just go to sleep and not have to think about things for a few hours. 

But too late. He was awake now. 

"Don't want to talk about it."

"I thought it was going well." Xuxi turned over, shuffling down the mattress a little so he was nose-to-nose with Sicheng, despite the fact that meant his toes poked out of the bottom of the duvet. "What about your second date?"

"Fucked it up."

"Sicheng…" Xuxi sighed. He hated seeing his best friend like this. They'd always get so beaten up after a bad date… "Tell me what happened."

"Can't we just go to sleep? I don't want to talk about it. My body hurts." 

Sicheng rolled over this time, back to Xuxi so they didn't have to make any eye contact. They weren't sure they could even say it. Xuxi had so much faith in them last night and they… They ruined everything. Again. 

"Why does your- Did someone hurt you?"

Sicheng felt Xuxi sit up behind them, sighing as they rolled into their back. He was so damn protective. 

But Sicheng loved that. They were grateful for it. 

"No. Nothing like that. I slept with this Demon and-" 

Xuxi really hoped Sicheng wouldn't realise the way his cheeks flushed at that thought. Sicheng had never slept with a Demon before. Or at least they'd never told Xuxi if they had. 

"It was rough, but… Good. I stayed in a body too long, though and I- It just aches. That's all."

"You switched?"

Sicheng nodded their head softly, gaze turning to their fingers so they could pick at their cuticles instead of having to look at Xuxi. 

"But I thought you went speed dating so you-"

"I did! But then I panicked because-" Great now they were starting to well up. "I dunno! Who the fuck is going to want me!? I mean… Who am I? _What_ am I?" 

Ten's words from last night rang in their head. What were they? _What?_

"You're you… You're Sicheng-"

"But who is that, Xuxi? I'm just- I'm no one. I'm- I'm just a thing inside a body and it doesn't matter which- How many times I switch or what to because nothing is right. Nothing feels right. I don't- I don't know who I am. I have _no_ identity. How am I meant to go on a date with someone and tell them about myself if I have nothing to tell?"

Xuxi exhaled through his nose, half lying down on the bed, propped up with his elbow so he could still look down at Sicheng. It was a while since he had seen them like this, since they had such a crisis of identity. He really thought Sicheng was coming to terms with things, feeling more comfortable in this body they had been given, but… Clearly not. They still wanted to change. Wanted to be someone else. 

And Xuxi was beginning to think it wasn't just about the body anymore. 

Sicheng wanted a whole personality overhaul because everything was so confusing to them. 

But that would crush Xuxi. He loved Sicheng just the way they were. 

He loved them so much. 

"I met someone last night and it was like he knew… He knew what I was. He could tell I wasn't just human and- When he touched me, he-" Sicheng's breath shuddered as they recalled what happened. Ten seemed to have scalded himself just by touching Sicheng in his default form. He looked like he was actually hurt by him. 

"I think I burned him." 

"Burned him?" Xuxi whispered. 

"When I switched back to m- To this," Sicheng motioned down at their body, "he touched my arm and… It looked like it hurt. He looked scared of me. Like he knew who I was, but…"

"But…?"

"I dunno!" Sicheng whined. This was all so confusing! Why did I hurt him?"

"Did you do it on purpose?" 

"No! No of course not. He was really sweet and… I liked him a lot but I had already ruined everything by switching and lying to him and-" Sicheng began to cry again. Why were they such a fuck up? Why did this whole thing with Ten had to happen on top of everything else? "What does it mean? He couldn't touch me at first when I was in a different human body. He tried but there was like a barrier and then- Then he- I hurt him… What if I hurt someone else…?"

"Hey-" Xuxi rubbed Sicheng's arm affectionately, lying back down next to his best friend so they could see nothing was going to happen. Xuxi touched Sicheng all the time. He cuddled him _all_ the time and nothing ever happened. "See, you're not hurting me."

Sicheng sniffled. That was true. They had never hurt Xuxi. Never-

Sicheng's eyebrows furrowed a little. Why weren't they hurting Xuxi? Why only Ten… Wh-

This had happened before. 

Just after they moved here. After Xuxi had granted them the ability to shift, but before they could fully control it. 

Back then Sicheng would just go out in this body, just like they used to back in their old town. They'd just spruce it up a bit; throw on a wig or some garish makeup because back then that was all they had known. 

And they had only really found anyone once or twice - life being much too hectic to go out and have fun on the regular. The two of them were barely managing to survive in this city at the time, and going out partying was the last thing they had money to spend on. 

But now Sicheng thought about it… Something like this had happened before. Not to the extent they had hurt Ten, but… There was one guy who would complain of electric shocks whenever he and Sicheng would hold hands. And other that asked whether they were wearing one of those plumping lip glosses because his lips tingled after they kissed. 

Sicheng hadn't even thought about it at the time, just scoffed and rolled their eyes. But… Now… 

What if…

What if they were poisonous? Whenever they were in this body, they hurt whoever touched them? The only way people could get near them was when they were moulded into someone else… Because they did always feel a little numb after a while. Whenever they switched it was like they began to lose touch with reality and that's why it ended up hurting so much. The numbing turned to pins and needles which got so intense Sicheng just wanted to claw their way out of that skin. 

But then how come Xuxi could touch them? 

Maybe for the same reason Sicheng didn't get burned by Xuxi's tears…

Maybe for the same reason they were inexplicably drawn to him across the cafeteria that afternoon at school. 

Maybe… They were one in the same. 

"What do you think I am?" Sicheng whispered, head turned so their nose brushed up against Xuxi's. Their eyes fluttered shut for a second as the younger thumbed away a stray tear. 

"I don't know. I really wish I did. I wish I could help in some way bec-"

"You've already helped me so much." Sicheng smiled softly. "You gave me the power to be whoever I want."

"Sometimes I'm worried that was more of a curse than a blessing."

Sicheng cast their eyes down towards the mattress for a second. Sometimes they wondered the same. They were spiralling out of control. Pretending to be someone else every single day. Putting on a different mask. A different persona. They were losing themself more and more every time they stepped out of the house because they couldn't bear the thought of anyone but Xuxi seeing them like this. 

But why was that? 

Why was it okay for him to see plain old Sicheng? Because he knew them before all of this? It wasn't a shock to him? 

Or because Sicheng actually felt comfortable in this skin whenever they were around Xuxi? 

Because they never felt the need to switch here at home. They never wanted to be someone else when they were in his presence, because they knew fine well Xuxi liked them for who they were… 

Right? 

"I didn't just mean that. I mean… everything. You've always been there for me and- I'm really happy I have you in my life."

"I'm happy I have you too." Xuxi smiled, fangs poking out from under his lips. "Who knows what would have happened to me if we didn't run away."

"I would never have let anything happen to you." Sicheng had never even once thought about leaving Xuxi behind. He was all they had for a long time… All they still had, really. 

The one constant in their life. 

"Me either." Xuxi sighed, nuzzling a little further into his pillows. "I just- I just wish you were happy."

"I am h-"

"Don't." Sicheng shut their mouth as Xuxi's voice lowered. "You can lie to everyone else, but you can't lie to me."

That was true… They didn't know why they bothered lying when they knew Xuxi could see straight through them. No one knew them that well. It was like- Ever since that night they'd had a bond, one that Xuxi could feel stronger than Sicheng could because he was a Demon. He just seemed to know when Sicheng was upset. He'd knock on their bedroom door at the right moment or text them whenever it felt like something was going wrong. 

He just knew. 

He was always there for them. 

No matter what. 

Always the one that Sicheng went to. 

Always the one that made them smile. 

That made them feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

The one they thought about and compared any other guy they dated to. 

Because no one would ever care for them as much as Xuxi did. 

No one would ever love them as much as Xuxi did…

Even if it was purely platonic. 

But what if it wasn't? 

"I just feel like no one's ever going to love me."

"Don't say that. It's not true."

"How would you know?"

Xuxi swallowed, red creeping up his neck like ivy. 

He would he know…

_Because I've loved you for as long as I can remember._

"Because you're amazing." Xuxi couldn't say it. He couldn't ruin their friendship. "You're funny and sarcastic and I know not everyone gets that but it always makes me laugh at least. You have such a pretty voice, it's so soft and soothing and I know you think you can't sing but I hear you in the shower every morning and you couldn't be more wrong."

Sicheng swore they stopped breathing for a second and Xuxi began to list off everything that made them lovable. 

"You have such a big heart. I mean, look what you did for me. You became friends with the Demon freak in town everyone was terrified and you defended me no matter what. And then you saved me. You left everything behind to live on the outskirts of the town with the Fae just so I wouldn't be alone. And then you brought me here. It was hard and I know it disrupted your education but you still did that… For me."

Sicheng's eyes flickered up to meet Xuxi's as he spoke. They were sure everyone else saw them as soulless black holes, but to them they were so emotive. They could see everything Xuxi was thinking swimming in obsidian. 

At least… They thought they could. 

But they had to be sure. 

They couldn't risk their entire friendship in a feeling. 

"And I know you're not happy at the minute, but you make me happy. Really happy. And I know you would be able to make anyone happy, because that's just who you are."

"Do you want me to make someone else happy?"

"W-What do you mean?"

"Just how happy do I make you?"

Xuxi knew he was bright red now. Did Sicheng know? Or were they just messing with him? Why were they being so cryptic? 

"Do I really need to answer that?"

"Xuxi…"

He couldn't hold back any longer. He had wanted this for years and now Sicheng was so close. They were asking all of these questions and the answers made everything bubble to the surface for him. He- 

He couldn't keep pretending he just wanted Sicheng around as a friend. 

He couldn't keep seeing them hurt themself over and over because they thought they were unlovable. 

Because they weren't. 

They deserved to be loved more than anything. 

And Xuxi had wasted too much time not proving that to them. 

So he went for it. He screwed his eyes shut and pushed forwards until his lips came into contact with Sicheng's. And this may have been the biggest mistake he had ever made, but in the moment it felt so right. 

He had wanted this for so long, and the fact Sicheng wasn't pulling away…

They weren't- They- 

They were kissing him back… Head tilting to give Xuxi room to move, to… 

He pulled back. He didn't want it to end, but… He needed answers. He needed to know he hadn't just blacked out and imagined that whole thing. 

"Please tell me you meant that." Sicheng breathed, because- Because how the fuck hadn't they seen it before? No wonder none of their previous dates worked. No wonder they were going out of their way to sabotage every interaction they had with a potential boyfriend. 

They hadn't wanted it. 

This whole time… The best part of their dates was always coming back to Xuxi. Coming home to the one person that had always cared about them no matter what. The one person they didn't have to pretend they were anyone else in front of. The one person that genuinely liked them. 

Loved them, even. 

Hopefully. 

_Please say yes._

"I- I did." Xuxi let out a stunted laugh before breaking into a wide smile. He did. He really fucking did. "I've- I've wanted to do that for so long, but… I just-"

Sicheng could see the flicker of sadness in Xuxi's eyes. They had made him watch them run around after guy after guy and all this time…

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be! I never- You know I'm not good at this stuff… but-" Xuxi took a deep breath. He had never said this to anyone before. "I love you. Like, love- _love_ you. Not just best-friend-love you. Though, I do still best-friend-love you… But I- uh- romantically-love you too. Like- Both. And I think that's possible, right? Because I don-"

Sicheng giggled, pressing a finger to Xuxi's lips to try and get him to shut up. He sure liked to ramble. 

"You really love-love me?"

Xuxi rolled his eyes as Sicheng clearly poked fun at him and his lack of eloquence. 

But he did. And he wasn't sure he could hide it any longer. 

"I do. I love-love you."

Something inside of Sicheng seemed to change. Like… Everything made sense. Like they were looking back at a clip show of their life like they were on some stupid sitcom that suddenly made them realise every little interaction they'd had in the past however many years Xuxi was clearly in love with them and they were just too stupid and wrapped up in their own self-loathing to realise it. 

The way he'd stroke their hair whenever they were having a particularly bad night. How he'd drop his plans no matter what if Sicheng was upset, even if they would never once ask him to do so. The way they'd catch Xuxi staring at them throughout random points of the day, just assuming he was zoning out or being dumb or whatever. The kisses the younger would press into their hair whenever he thought they had fallen asleep against him while watching TV. 

It was all so fucking obvious. 

And they were an idiot for not realising sooner. 

For not realising they felt the exact same way because they had called one another friends for so long. It didn't even cross their mind they would be more than that even though Xuxi was constantly living in their head rent free. Some days he was all they thought about, and they had never once considered that odd until now. 

"I… I think I love-love you too."

"You… You don't have to say that just bec-"

"No, I mean it. I- I can't believe I never realised I just- I've always been so intent on finding myself and finding love in a different form, that… I never realised I have it here. With you. And I don't need to change for you."

Xuxi shook his head. "You don't. I love you no matter how you look. As long as you feel good, I- It doesn't matter to me, because you're still you."

He laughed under his breath, brushing blonde hair out of Sicheng's face so he could really look into their eyes. 

That feeling… The weird one in the pit of his stomach that had been nagging him for years. The one that felt like he had lost something - was missing something. It… It went still. Just for a moment, but when it came back it was nowhere near as strong as usual. 

Was Sicheng what he had been looking for this whole time? Ben though they had always been here. 

"You know what I love the most?" Sicheng shook their head softly. But they wanted to know. "One thing that never changes is your eyes. And they're gorgeous. That's how I know it's always you in there… My Sicheng."

"It's like I can see you, no matter what body you're in I can see you. And you could be looking like the most hideous Yeti or Tentacle Monster or whatever." Sicheng laughed. Oh god. They had only switched into that one night for a joke but Xuxi had never let them live it down. "But I just have to look in your eyes and I can see you. And you're gorgeous."

Sicheng felt themself flush.

"What do I look like?"

Xuxi sighed. He wished he could explain it. He wished he could explain it for the longest time, then they'd be one step closer to finding out who Sicheng was meant to be before their DNA was messed with. 

"It's hard, I can't- I can't see a body. A form. I just see you. Like… Your aura or whatever. Your soul. It's lavender, just like your eyes."

No one was as connected to them as Xuxi was. He could see right through them, right into their soul. 

What if… 

"Do you think we're soulmates?"

Xuxi nodded shallowly. He did. He really did. 

"Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

Xuxi shrugged. "Guess I was scared. You had never gave off any signs and… I dunno. Not all Demons are great at taking what they want."

Sicheng shuffled forwards a little, so their lips were grazing against Xuxi's. they were so plump. So... soft and squishy. They wanted more. 

So they decided to be the one to take what they wanted. 

They kissed him. They kissed their best friend who they were in love-love with. They kissed him in this body they would usually never even dream of letting anyone else touch with their lips. But Xuxi liked this body, and in a way that made Sicheng hate it a little less, because they felt comfortable around Xuxi no matter what. He just- He always made them feel good about themself. He always tried his hardest to help them out in anyway he could. He- He did everything in his power to make him happy... 

And Sicheng wished they had seen that sooner; because maybe then they could have actually been happy all these years they had Xuxi by their side instead of just coasting along, hopping from one form to the next in the hope that it would be the right one. That they would be able to find themself. And... Ignoring the one thing that truly did make them happy. 

"You know," Sicheng mused as they lay in Xuxi's arms, playing with his fingers after their very first make out session finally subsided. It turned out that little kiss turned into so much more after years of pent up frustration and longing. "When I was younger, sometimes I hoped that you had possessed me. That you wanted me to be close to you so bad that you just, like... Took over."

Sicheng smiled as Xuxi's chest rose up and down under their head. That was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. 

Cute, though. 

"I would never have possessed you. I didn't need to. That magnetic pull we had... It was too strong to ignore. I had no control of it."

"Do you think I'm a Demon too?" Sicheng had often wondered that. Maybe that's why they weren't affected by Xuxi in the way others were. Why they could get through to him when he got particularly upset and raised hell. It was like Sicheng was the only one he could hear... The only one that could bring him back down to Earth. 

"I have no idea." Xuxi nuzzled into Sicheng's hair, pressing a kiss to the crown just like he had for years. Only this time Sicheng was awake. (Or not pretending to be asleep). "I wish I could help you find out."

Sicheng hummed, almost not bothered. For the first time in their life that wasn't at the forefront of their mind. It wasn't like love had cured them or whatever, they knew those intrusive thoughts were going to come back in time and mess with their mind. Maybe even their relationship... 

But for now, they had something else to focus on. They had a boyfriend. An actual boyfriend that was going to love them no matter what, and would be there to hold their hand throughout this entire journey just like he always had. 

Sicheng had finally gotten what they wanted. 

It just so happened that thing had been right under their nose all along. 

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

"Mmm. Lower." Sicheng moaned as fingers worked into their back, paying special attention to the junction where their wings protruded from their skin. 

It had been about three months since they got them, since they had permanently had the appendages fixed to their back, but they were still giving them bother. It was a hard thing to get used to and Sicheng couldn't help but catch them on items of clothing or when they walked past things. 

But it was a small price to pay though for the right body. 

Sicheng was twenty-eight years old when they finally found out who they were. They had been with Xuxi for almost two years and the two of them couldn't be happier. Sicheng had learnt to cope with their plain old human body, and it didn't give them as much dysphoria as it had in the past now they had someone that truly loved them no matter what, but that didn't mean they stopped trying. 

They would still experiment with different forms, slipping into different races and identities. They would still switch whenever they left the house just to see whether that was finally the right one…

But they still weren't able to find it. They just couldn't figure out who they were or where they came from, and even with Xuxi's love and support it was difficult to accept. 

But it turned out Sicheng's disastrous speed dating night was a blessing in disguise in more than one way. Not only had it made them finally realise just how deep their feelings for their best friend were, but they also met Ten that night. And if anyone was just as determined to figure out who Sicheng was, it was Ten. 

Ten had never met anyone like them before, and he didn't like that. He was the definition of social butterfly. Knew everyone and anyone, had a whole Rolodex of information about different species and Spirits tucked away in his brain. 

But one eluded him. And that was really fucking annoying. 

So he made it his mission to find Sicheng again.

Ten was good at feeling people out, of having a vague idea of where their soul was, but it took him a little longer to find Sicheng than usual. Six whole months longer. 

Any normal person would have given up and resided themselves to failure, but Ten wasn't normal. He was determined and honestly, as stubborn as they came. Ten had been on the surface of this planet for hundreds of years, bound to be here hundreds more. It wasn't like he didn't have plenty of free time to waste. 

But he eventually found them by chance one afternoon in a grocery store. It wasn't like he was constantly looking for Sicheng, he wasn't quite that interested, but when the air seemed to grow thicker around him as he pondered over which pasta shape he wanted to buy that was when he knew. Sicheng was close. Really close. And that set off a whole fleet of butterflies in his stomach. 

See, Ten didn't just consider himself a self-proclaimed expert in the subject of anthropology of humans, Fae and Demons alike. He was an accredited professor and a highly acclaimed author. The David Attenborough of the Spiritual world. He had written books about Pixies and Nymph. He had researched into transfigurations in so much depth he had spent months camped out by a loch waiting for a Kelpie to appear. 

People intrigued him, no matter who or what they were. And after being around them all for centuries upon centuries, Ten wanted to know just about everything he could when it came to other creatures. 

Which was why he burst into a wide grin when he abandoned his shopping cart in favour of running towards a Dryad in a floral sundress with dirty blonde hair in a thick braid that ended just at the back of their knees. 

Because he knew.

He knew exactly who that was. 

"Sicheng?"

The Dryad turned to look at him, lavender eyes widening. Was- It couldn't be-

"Ten?"

"Oh my god it is you!" Ten beamed. He had finally found them. "I've been- This is going to sound totally insane, but… I've been looking for you."

"Y-You have?" Sicheng flushed. Why would Ten have… Well, Sicheng did just kind of take-off that night, but… Ten would have just forgotten about that after a few days, right? Why would he be looking for them? Did he… Was he in l-

"Sweetie, look! They have that lemon drizzle cake I like that we can never find anywhere!" Sicheng froze as Xuxi appeared behind them. This was… Awkward. A guy they dated and his boyfriend… Could they even class Ten as a date? They had spoken for all of fifteen minutes. "Who's this?"

"Ten! Nice to meet you, I'm a… friend of Sicheng's." Ten cocked his head, tails swishing behind him. 

"Xuxi, Sicheng's boyfriend." The Demon smiled back, an arm absentmindedly slinging around Sicheng's shoulders. 

"So, you found someone… That's great." Ten genuinely meant that. Sure he would love to find someone of his own, and there was a point where he had wanted to find Sicheng to pursue them in the hopes of forming a relationship, but… He was well past that. It wasn't why he was here. "I was… Like I said, this is going to sound crazy, but, I was wondering-"

Ten held his hand out, lips quirking up as that invisible force field stopped him from touching Sicheng for whatever reason. It was so… Weird. Like something he had never experienced before. Who was this? Why did they shift so much? 

"The conversation we had that night, are you… Do you know?"

Sicheng swallowed as Xuxi threw them a look, silently asking what the hell Ten was talking about. But they only shook their head in response. 

"I've never met anyone like you before, and…" Ten was trying his hardest to look into Sicheng's soul when they were stood here in front of him, but every time he did it was like there was a barrier. Something was off here and he couldn't quite figure out what. "I want to help, or at least try to. Would you two like to have lunch with me?"

Xuxi honestly had no idea what was going on when Sicheng agreed, but he was getting fed so he was happy. It wasn't until he was munching on his burger that he began to put the pieces together. 

Ten was a researcher. And he wanted Sicheng to be his subject. 

"Are you sure about this?" He had asked later that night as the two of them lay in bed. He wanted Sicheng to find out the truth because he knew how much it plagued them, but… He was worried. How did they know they could trust this Kitsune? They were tricksters. They got off on fucking people over. What if Ten was just leading Sicheng on for a laugh? 

"What other choice do I have? He's the first person that's ever wanted to help me…" Sicheng squeezes at Xuxi's hand as the youngers smile faltered a little. "Apart from you, of course. Maybe he'll be able to figure it out."

Sicheng had to at least try. They had been running around in circles their whole life and now someone with centuries worth of knowledge and expertise could be coming to their rescue. 

What was the worst that could happen? 

Maybe it wouldn't be easy, but it was better than nothing, right? 

And it wasn't easy. Ten couldn't touch Sicheng in their default form for more than a couple of seconds before he would have to pull back, a searing pain shooting through his skin. 

They had a connection. They had to. And that connection was being blocked by something or other. Something Ten was determined to find out. 

Because every time he touched Sicheng it was like he could see into their past. Or their future. He could see _something_ and he wished that he could hold on just a little bit longer so he could figure out what. 

But it was too painful. He couldn't hold on long enough to get the full picture and that was really fucking frustrating because nothing else was working. He had taken samples of Sicheng's DNA to test at the university lab, but it had been tampered with too much it brought back nothing. He had read every folklore book he could get his hands on, trying his hardest to piece together the scraps of information he had to try and figure out Sicheng's identity. 

He felt like he was coming to a dead end. 

But he did have one more trick up his sleeve. 

Xuxi. 

Xuxi seemed to be the only person that could touch Sicheng when they were in their original body. The students Ten had roped in to help him in his quest had even less luck than he had himself. Their reaction to Sicheng didn't seem to be as severe, but then again they didn't hold the paranormal abilities of their Kitsune professor, so they weren't much help whatsoever. 

But Xuxi in the other hand was a Demon. And as far as Ten was aware he was the only Demon or Spirit that was able to touch Sicheng for more than a couple of seconds. He had to be the key. 

And it took some research, but that was what Ten did best, and after some time he had finally perfected the ability to channel his powers through another spiritual being. 

And when he did, well, that opened him up to a whole new world of opportunities. He could see everything. Where Sicheng had come from. Who Sicheng was meant to be. Exactly what Sicheng was. 

And that information was exactly what Sicheng needed to finally shift into their final form - or their original form, as it were. Because they had been chasing this for so long, shifting into anything and everything, but every single attempt had been in vain, because changing into a random Elf or Nix was never going to work. They weren't just something they were _someone._

They were Winwin; fallen Seraphim Angel. One of the highest celestial beings in the Heavens above who had been condemned to live in the Underworld after falling in love with the son of one of Satan's left hand men. 

Only that wouldn't have been much of a punishment, would it? Spending the rest of eternity ruining over the Underworld with your lover. So instead Winwin was catapulted onto the surface of the Earth, left to their own devices in the form of a tiny baby who would more than likely perish on their own. 

Or, at least that was the plan. No one in the Heavens had expected humans to find Winwin, and no one had expected the humans to do something way worse than the Angels had themselves.

They took their identity. Knew a fallen Angel would be way too powerful for their realm. They experimented on them and turned them into something they weren't. They stole their memories and altered their DNA, leaving them a shell of their former self, left longing. Knowing something wasn't quite right. 

But Ten had changed all of that. 

Ten had gone above and beyond on his quest to find out who Sicheng really was (and earned his ninth tail in the process, so it turned out to be a win-win situation, after all - no pun intended.)

And finding their backstory allowed Sicheng to really channel their powers, gifted by Xuxi, into who they should have been all this time. 

"Winwin…" Xuxi was left speechless that afternoon, because… Because he remembered. That feeling that a part of him had been missing all this time finally made sense because… 

Who had been missing was stood right in front of him. 

And they were just as beautiful as he remembered all those centuries ago. 

And Xuxi hadn't even realised he had been missing this all these years… How many years? How long had he been alive? He didn't even know anymore but he was pretty sure he was way older than twenty-six. He had to be. He had memories that reached back millenias. 

Had they done something to him too? They must have - taken his memories or whatever. Was that why he was banished to the Earth's surface? Why his father didn't want him in the Underworld any longer? It was weird how he had never even given his life before Earth a thought until now… It was like everything was coming back to him. 

And the love of his life was stood in front of him, just as perfect as the day they first happened to meet. 

Almost. 

The Winwin he remembered had thick plumes of ostrich-like feathers adorning their wings. They had waist length golden blonde hair, speckled with tiny little cherry blossoms. Their skin positively shone, glittered almost, and that was what had drawn Xuxi to them to begin with. He had never seen anyone like this in the Underworld. Anyone so effervescent and immaculate. It made him want to get to know them better, and… Winwin had felt the same. 

Because Xuxi wasn't like the Demons they had heard about, the Demons they had been warned against. He was soft and beautiful and colourful and his eyes swam with warmth and mystery. 

And whenever he and Winwin were together… He made them happy. Made them smile in ways they hadn't even realised were possible. 

Heaven was meant to fulfil all of their needs - it was meant to bring everlasting joy, a place of paradise. But being with Xuxi… this Demon… 

Winwin had never felt so alive. 

And now they had him back. They had themself back. They-

Sort of. 

They didn't quite look the same as up there. Their halo had gone, shattered into shards that stuck to their forehead like a crown of thorns, glinting in the dim lighting of Ten's research facility as opposed to glowing brightly as it once had. Their hair was choppy and inked black, as if it had been hacked at, the Angels deeming Winwin no longer worthy of their heavenly tresses. Their wings had been stripped of their feathers, broken bones protruding from their back in their place, rendering them completely useless and almost painful to look at. 

But… This was their body. They remembered it now. They had felt so awkward and uncomfortable in that male human form for so long because they weren't male. Angels weren't male nor female. They had broad shoulders and supple breasts and a tiny waist and strong thighs and both sets of sexual organs and… This was how they were meant to be. All those years of struggling to find their gender before they were even aware that they weren't a human being made sense. 

How had they known? 

"Winwin..." Xuxi took a few steps closer now the initial shock was out of his system. That was his Sicheng… His Winwin. They were back. They- 

Those eyes. 

He smiled softly to himself as he cupped Sicheng's face in his hands, their skin still as soft as ever. 

"Hey, Angel."

Sicheng giggled. Fuck. How long had it been since they heard that little pet name? 

"Hi." They beamed back. Part of them had always been terrified that finding their true self would push Xuxi away. What if he didn't like what he saw? What if they were some grotesque monster? "God, this really is like a bad sitcom isn't it?"

The two of them laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Somehow it felt very… Them. Making jokes was usually how they cut through any tension, and Sicheng absolutely adored making Xuxi smile. 

But…

"Do you remember?"

"Everything." Xuxi's eyes were watery, silent tears rolling down his face to singe holes into the wooden floor below. "I remember everything."

"Me too." Sicheng whispered, unable to stop their breathy laughs. This was so surreal. They- They and Xuxi had come back together against all odds. That pull they felt in the school cafeteria that afternoon… They were so fucking glad they hadn't ignored it. 

Because here they were god knows how many centuries later; reunited. 

"I'm never going to let you go again."

Sicheng shook their head in agreement. Never. Nothing was going to break them apart this time. They had no one to answer to. They could finally live out the rest of eternity together here on earth. 

"Me either. You're stuck with me now."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Xuxi tucked some of Sicheng's hair behind their ear, they were both pointed now. Just like they had been up in the Heavens. "My Winwin…"

"Call me Sicheng." Winwin didn't feel right anymore. That was their Angel name, and they weren't… they weren't an Angel anymore. The name had been given to them by the gods that cast them out of heaven. And these past few years Sicheng was the only name they had heard fall from Xuxi's lips. It felt right - like a new start, in a way. "I like Sicheng."

Xuxi nodded, his lips grazing up against his lovers as he did so. They were so close. 

"I love you Sicheng."

Sicheng moaned low in their throat as Xuxi finally pushed forwards just enough to chapter their lips in his own plusher ones. It wasn't as if they hadn't kissed in centuries or anything, they had been a relationship for the past couple of years

But this felt different. This kiss was like it was on a whole other plane of existence. 

It was euphoric. Earth-shattering. It made Sicheng's ears ring and their stomach do all sorts of somersaults. It made their wings twitch as if they were trying to lift them up off the ground into some higher realm. 

It was perfect. 

This was perfect. 

Xuxi was perfect. 

And they finally had him back. They had those millennia's worth of memories back. They had their identity back. 

And there was no way they were ever going to let any of that slip through their fingers again. 

"I love you too, Xuxi."

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always much appreciated thank you!


End file.
